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TRANSCRIPT:
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PREVIOUSLY ON GILMORE GIRLS

[Scenes from previous episodes.]

 

LORELAI'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM

[Lorelai is sitting on a chair covered by a plastic sheet, Paul Anka at her side. The floor is protected by drop cloths and Luke paces impatiently as Lorelai flips through paint samples.]

LORELAI: Your impatience is very distracting.

LUKE: I said nothing.

LORELAI: I'm getting a vibe.

LUKE: I can't control my vibe.

LORELAI: Maybe I should do this alone.

LUKE: No.

LORELAI: Well, I need to collect my thoughts.

LUKE: No, the last time I left you alone with your thoughts I came back and you were in the reds again.

LORELAI: So?

LUKE: We've ruled out red.

LORELAI: Why did we rule out red?

LUKE: 'Cause you don't like red!

LORELAI: Right! And when I'm right, I'm right. Red would be way too much in here. Now, just give me a moment to concentrate. Cone of silence, please.

LUKE: You got it. [He sees a row of Lorelai's shoes lined up at the bottom of the stairs.] Hey, what are all your shoes doing down here?

LORELAI: You broke the cone!

LUKE: Yeah. They're going to get ruined! [He bends down and starts picking up the shoes.]

LORELAI: Oh, well, talk to Paul Anka. He has one by one marched every pair of my shoes downstairs and I have no idea why. He's lined them up perfectly, too. Left, right, left, right. He's very anal when he misbehaves.

LUKE: Well, I'll clear them out.

LORELAI: No, no, no, don't. I want him to march them back up himself, how else will he learn?

LUKE [drops the shoes]: Fine. Whatever. [He points at Paul Anka.] Weirdo!

LORELAI: Why did I say I don't like red?

LUKE: I think your exact words were 'better dead than red'.

LORELAI: 'Cause I'm liking red now.

LUKE: Oh, what happened to the white you picked? That was such a nice white. You were so sure about it.

LORELAI: It didn't go with Paul Anka.

LUKE: Unbelievable.

LORELAI: Look. [She holds the paint sample up next to him.]

LUKE: Oh, yeah, you're right! That does not work, not at all.

LORELAI: See.

LUKE: I was kidding.

LORELAI: Well, your kidding is really slowing down the process here big time. Hey, um, what about a blue?

LUKE: We're painting the outside blue.

LORELAI: Or maybe a yellow.

LUKE: Oh, come on, now, yellow really doesn't go with Paul Anka.

LORELAI: You know, if nothing goes with him we may have to move.

LUKE: Do you want to know the problem here?

LORELAI: Actually, no. I don't like problems. I avoid them when I can, and I don't like people pointing them out to me.

LUKE: The guys are almost done prepping the walls, and then they're going to want to paint. If we don't have a color for them, they're going to have nothing to do and they're going to bolt, and we won't see them again for weeks!

LORELAI: That is so cold.

LUKE: Well, they go where the money is. If they're not painting, they're not earning.

LORELAI: Wait. Paul Anka! Maybe he has an opinion on all this.

LUKE: Oh, I'm sure he does.

LORELAI [fans out the samples and holds them up to Paul Anka]: Okay, dude. Check them out. Don't over-think it. What looks good to you? [He licks the samples.] Oh, he licked the Dark Magenta!

LUKE: You know dogs are colorblind.

LORELAI: Okay. Technicality. [To Paul Anka] What about the baseboards? Baseboards? Oh! Dark Magenta baseboards! Interesting choice.

LUKE: I need a beer.

LORELAI: Oh, uh, get one for me too, please? [To Paul Anka] How about the ceiling? [gasps] Dark Magenta! You've got the Queer Eye, my friend.

 

OPENING CREDITS

 

ELDER GILMORE'S HOUSE - RORY'S ROOM

[Rory is asleep in bed. Emily knocks sharply on the door. Rory gasps and jumps up.]

EMILY [OS]: Rise and shine!

RORY [sleepy]: No, no, no, no, no.

EMILY [OS]: It's a beautiful day!

RORY: No rising, no shining.

EMILY [OS]: Don't let it go to waste! I'll be back in five if I don't see you!

RORY: No, no more back in five!

[She flops back down into her bed.]

 

LUKE'S DINER

[Luke and Lorelai come down the back stairs from the apartment.]

LORELAI: It's perfect. A light, slightly washed-out green, like you see in Renaissance wall paintings, with the baseboards painted an aquamarine blue, but dulled, so it's got a little Latin touch, and you paint the ceilings off-white with a hint of yellow to go great with the floors and just give the whole space a nice glow! What do you think?

LUKE: We're not painting my apartment!

LORELAI: Heh. Why not?

LUKE: Because we're painting your house! That's why you have the color samples.

LORELAI: Mm-hm. And there's not enough paint to paint your place and the other place?

LUKE [pouring coffee]: There's not enough time. As you work on the perfect colors for my house, and Babette's house, and Mr. Lanahan's house and Sookie's house -

LORELAI: Ah. I showed Sookie that Blanched Almond, she flipped.

LUKE: - and the post office and the church and the Oddfellows Hall, the painters are getting closer and closer to being ready to paint your house. You've got to focus, or -

LORELAI: Or what?

LUKE: I'm going to take that away.

LORELAI: Oh, no! You would not take my paint sample thingy away from me!

LUKE: I most certainly would.

LORELAI: Well, that would seriously slow down the process and I don't know if you know this, but, um, if the painters have nothing to do, they'll move on to another job.

[Two little girls approach them, with a woman standing a few feet behind.]

LUKE: It's the Twilight Zone. I do not know what to do here.

LORELAI: Hey. I think the Lullaby League is looking for you.

LUKE: Oh. Yeah?

MEGAN: Mr. Danes, I'm Megan, and this is Tillie.

TILLIE: Hi.

MEGAN: Um, we go to Stars Hollow Middle School. You went there.

[A pause. Luke stares at them.]

LORELAI: They're looking for confirmation.

LUKE: Yeah, I went.

WOMAN: He's busy, girls. Don't keep him long.

MEGAN: Well, we're on a soccer team, and we lost our sponsor.

LORELAI: Aw. Who was your sponsor?

MEGAN: Luger's Bait'n'Tackle.

LORELAI: Oh, that's right. They're shutting down. Luger's wife caught him at that motel with a transvest - [She sees the girls looking blank and the woman frowning] - ...sistor radio. And, uh, he retired honorably.

LUKE: So, what are you here for?

MEGAN: We were wondering if you would sponsor our team.

LUKE: Well, I don't know.

TILLIE: You just have to buy our jerseys.

MEGAN: It'll say "Luke's Diner" on the back.

TILLIE: Plus our name, the Bobcats, and you'd pitch in for trophies if we win.

MEGAN: But you don't even have to go to the games if you don't want.

TILLIE: Yeah, you don't have to come.

LUKE: Girls, no offense, but I don't think so. It's not my thing.

WOMAN: No problem. Thank him for his time, girls.

MEGAN: Thank you.

TILLIE: Thank you, Mr. Danes.

LUKE: You're welcome.

[They go back to their table.]

LORELAI: Bye. [To Luke] Wow. Oliver Twist just kindly asked for a little more gruel and you kicked him right in the junk.

LUKE: Who?

LORELAI: You broke those darling little girls' hearts!

LUKE: They'll find someone else.

LORELAI: How is this not your thing?

LUKE: I don't want to coach a soccer team!

LORELAI: They don't need a coach. How closely were you listening?

LUKE: Well, not that closely. Kids usually talk, but they don't say anything, you know, they just kind of yammer, so if you don't find them cute they're just boring.

LORELAI: God, you should really have your own children's show. You know, as an alternative to the nice ones.

LUKE: You know what I mean.

LORELAI: It's just a sponsorship! And they're from your alma mater, which by the way is looking drab and could use a touch-up, I'd recommend the light salmon. Doesn't that mean something?

LUKE: I guess a little.

LORELAI: You don't even have to go to the games! And you'd get to have your name on the back of the jerseys, free advertising, how cool is that?

LUKE: Well, yeah, that might be all right.

LORELAI: Hey, and you'll get that photo that sponsors get of the whole team, sitting on the field, and you can display it like Al's Pancake World does. Oh, Al, that sea green with burnt sienna trim -

LUKE [grabs the paint samples]: I warned you.

LORELAI: Ah! I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Come on. Give it back, please! I'm jones-ing, I need my colors!

[Luke shakes his head. Lorelai makes a pouty face and grabs at the air. Luke gives it back to her.]

LUKE [looking at the girls]: Think they're any good?

LORELAI: I don't know if that matters.

[Luke goes over to the table.]

LUKE: Hey, uh, if you still want a sponsor, we can give it a shot.

MEGAN [jumps out of her seat]: Really?

TILLIE: Yay!

[They hug him.]

WOMAN: Oh, that's wonderful, Luke. Thank you.

LUKE [sandwiched between Megan and Tillie]: I guess this is you being grateful.

LORELAI [points at a blue sample]: For the jerseys?

 

ELDER GILMORES HOUSE

[Rory walks down the stairs, talking on her cell phone.]

RORY: You really get, like, no notice on these things, do you?

[Scene cuts between Rory walking through the house, and Logan walking through Yale's campus.]

LOGAN: None. It's 'Grab your bag and meet me at the tarmac, Son. Over and out.' And it's always at an ungodly hour.

RORY: Six a.m.?

LOGAN: That's my bedtime, for God's sake.

RORY: So where's he dragging you this time?

LOGAN [stops to tie his shoe]: A paper in Omaha. What state is that in again?

RORY: Nebraska.

LOGAN: Ah, corn, farm animals, football.

RORY: Oh, and they love condescension in Nebraska, too, so hit 'em with that as soon as you disembark.

LOGAN: Well, you have got to be free tonight, my dear, because I'm getting the group together for a blowout. Do not tell me you're working.

RORY: I can make some time for you. [She sees Emily in the dining room and turns away quickly.] Oops. Evasive maneuver.

LOGAN: What?

RORY: My grandmother.

LOGAN: She coming at you with a knife or something?

RORY [frustrated, but speaking softly]: It's one thing to be forced to move into the big house, but now the big house is feeling Tom Thumb tiny. My grandmother's everywhere.

LOGAN: The older generation. They have their methods of ubiquity.

RORY [quietly]: I'm positive that there are at least five of her, wandering the property like she's a Cylon.

LOGAN [whispering]: So, can you meet me out here tonight?

RORY: Why are you whispering?

LOGAN [whispering]: Because you're whispering.

RORY [giggles]: That's cute. I'll see you at your place, eight o'clock?

LOGAN: Perfect.

RORY: See you then. [She hangs up and heads for the door.]

EMILY: Rory!

RORY [facing the door]: Oh. Hi, Grandma. I was just heading out, in kind of a hurry.

EMILY: Heading out where?

RORY: Errands, just errands.

EMILY: You know, Shandiqua would be willing to do your errands for you. She has a used SUV.

RORY: I can do them myself.

EMILY: Is something wrong with your face?

RORY: No.

EMILY: Why are you hiding it? [Rory turns to face her.] It looks fine.

RORY: It is fine.

EMILY: So, are you staying overnight at Paris' again this week?

RORY: Maybe.

EMILY: That's so fun. Having a girlfriend for sleepovers. You know, Paris can sleep over here sometime if you want.

RORY: Great. Thanks.

EMILY: Your grandfather's out of town for a few days, so it's just us girls. Got a preference for dinner tonight?

RORY: I may not make it for dinner tonight, Grandma.

EMILY: Oh. I was looking forward to it.

RORY: Sorry.

EMILY: It's always good to give twenty-four hours notice on these things.

RORY [rolls her eyes discreetly]: Again, sorry.

EMILY: You're looking skinnier. And you're skipping dinner.

RORY: I'm not skipping dinner. I'm having dinner out.

EMILY: You're not bulimic?

RORY: I really have to go, Grandma.

EMILY: One last thing. The Russian tea for the DAR, that's going well?

RORY: Yeah. It's like clockwork. It's an easy one. Teas are easy.

EMILY: Oh. That reminds me. [She walks into the living room.]

RORY: I really have to go, Grandma. [When she is out of earshot, she mumbles] She said for the umpteenth time.

EMILY [returns carrying a dress]: What do you think?

RORY: It's nice. Whose is it?

EMILY: It's for you, for the Russian tea. Want to try it on?

RORY: Later. Please. I really, really have to go.

EMILY: Well, that's something to look forward to.

RORY: Definitely.

EMILY: See you later.

RORY: See you later. [She leaves. Outside, she stops for a moment, sighs, and rolls her eyes before continuing.]

 

LORELAI'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM

[Babette is sitting in Lorelai's chair and Lorelai is standing over her. Babette is looking through the paint samples.]

BABETTE: Oh, this is hard. This is so hard!

LORELAI: Yeah, I know.

BABETTE: I can be so indecisive. Put me in front of a bin of cantaloupe, it'll take me an hour to pick one. An hour! And this is harder than cantaloupe.

LORELAI: Come on. Focus, Babette. A green? An off-white? What do you think?

BABETTE [flustered]: They all seem fine!

LORELAI: Huh, see. I don't know if you're aware of this, but, um, if the painters are ready to paint and you don't have your colors ready, they'll leave and you'll never see them again. So the clock is ticking, here.

LUKE [from the kitchen]: Don't let her bully you, Babette!

BABETTE: But I gotta pick a color!

LUKE [OS]: Lorelai's got to pick a color!

LORELAI: It just - leave us alone out here! Go about your business!

LUKE [OS]: You're being cruel to Babette and you're going to rot in hell for this!

LORELAI: I'm just getting her opinion!

BABETTE: I've caused an argument. I'm horrible!

LUKE [OS]: You've got till close of day tomorrow and that's it!

BABETTE: Good! That'll give me enough time!

LUKE [OS]: Not you, Babette! Lorelai!

BABETTE [cringes]: Ooh, he's mad at me.

LORELAI: He's not mad at you. And he's right. It's my thing, I should do it.

BABETTE: Oh, thank God. Well, here's the information you wanted for Paul Anka. [She pulls some pamphlets out from under him and pets him.] You've got your training schools. Training's always good for them.

LORELAI: Yeah, uh, I took him to a few sessions, he fell in love with a poodle and got very distracted.

BABETTE: And doggy day care, let him run around with other dogs. Good for socializing him.

LORELAI: Well, the other dogs we've come across on walks, he'll bark at them and then when they turn and look at him he'll play dead. It's kind of sad.

BABETTE [cupping his face]: Well, he's the cutest basket case I've ever seen, that's for sure! Got to go.

LORELAI: Kay. Thanks for coming, Babette. This will help. So. [Quietly] Hey, if you were going to pick between the Papaya Whip I showed you and the Medium Spring Green -

LUKE [OS]: Stop it!

LORELAI: God, he's got good ears.

BABETTE [heading for the door]: See ya, doll. Good luck.

LORELAI: Thanks. Bye!

BABETTE: Bye! [She leaves.]

[In the kitchen, Luke is on the phone as Lorelai enters and joins him at the table.]

LUKE: Yeah, I want the two-color team name on the front in Script and the Luke's Diner in a vertical arch above the number on the back.

LORELAI [holds up a letter patch]: L for Lorelai!

LUKE: L for Luke's.

LORELAI: Hey, our names have the same first letter!

LUKE: You like the style?

LORELAI: Classy.

LUKE [back on the phone]: But I want really nice stitching even if it costs extra. I don't care that it's double, just do it, I want my girls to look good.

LORELAI: Listen to Daddy Warbucks!

LUKE: Yeah, twelve for the team, plus three spares will do it. Fifteen in all. [Lorelai gestures and mouths that she wants one.] Uh, plus another medium, sixteen - [She points at him] - and an extra large men's, so seventeen. [Paul Anka enters and scratches on the door to Rory's room. Lorelai points at him. Luke rolls his eyes.] And one for a medium dog. Yeah, dog. And this is a rush order, I want them for the next game. Okay, thanks Ollie. Bye. [He hangs up.]

LORELAI: Those girls are going to be styling.

LUKE: Yeah, well, they're going to have the best uniforms in the league. I've seen pictures of the other teams. Little bag ladies.

LORELAI [raises her eyebrows]: Look how you've embraced this!

LUKE: Well, the more I thought about it, the more fun it seemed, you know? And my friend Ed told me the team is actually pretty good, they got a chance to go all the way.

LORELAI: Cool. Wow, they're going to make a movie about this someday! You know. The reluctant, handsome diner owner sponsoring a team who goes all the way to the national finals. And you know who would play you?

LUKE: Who?

LORELAI: Tobey Maguire!

LUKE: He's way younger than me.

LORELAI: But his career is hot. Go with Tobey.

LUKE: What about that Vito Morgenstern?

LORELAI: Sure. Or Viggo Mortensen. Or Donald Sutherland?

LUKE: Too old.

LORELAI: We'll dye his hair.

LUKE: He's got jowls!

LORELAI: You're picky.

[Paul Anka whines and scratches Rory's door again.]

LUKE: What's he doing?

LORELAI: I don't know. He's been doing that a lot lately. [She snaps her fingers.] Hey, hey buddy. There's nothing for you there. Do you need Geritol? [To Luke] He's been lethargic lately. He's depressed or something. Who are you calling?

LUKE [holding up the flier he was ordering from]: I just saw something in this thing. [Pause.] Hey, Ollie, it's Luke Danes again. Listen, I was looking through your brochure again. Eh, you can make caps, too, right?

LORELAI: Soccer players wear caps?

LUKE: Nah, I just think they'll look cute in them. [Lorelai smiles.] Yeah, what's your highest quality cap you got there? Yeah, I don't want plastic in the sizing, it's cheap-o. [Lorelai glances worriedly at Paul Anka.] You got that kind that you kind of pull on the cloth thingy to size it, right? Great, well, give me twenty of those. [Lorelai crouches down by the door and rubs Paul Anka's belly. She smiles at Luke.]

 

RICH MAN'S SHOE BAR

[A folk singer is in the middle of Tom Dooley. Rory is sitting at a table with Logan, Finn, Colin, Rosemary and Juliet.]

FOLK SINGER [singing]: Met her on the mountain -

[Finn and Colin turn at once to face the singer.]

FINN: Met her.

COLIN: Cool, the girl on girl thing.

FOLK SINGER [singing]: Where I took her life -

COLIN: It's a snuff film.

FINN: A lesbian snuff film.

FOLK SINGER [singing]: Met her on the mountain -

COLIN [disappointed]: A redundant lesbian snuff film.

FOLK SINGER [singing]: Stabbed her with a knife.

COLIN: How INXS missed her, I don't know.

LOGAN [drunk]: Raise a glass to INXS.

FINN: My countrymen, I'm less than proud to say.

COLIN [toasting]: I cannot, cannot believe they've reinstated Folk Night at my beloved pub.

FINN: It's a travesty!

JULIET: Is there any alcohol left in the state of Connecticut that's not inside them?

ROSEMARY: I doubt it.

LOGAN [slurring]: So, boys, another round?

COLIN: Post haste. [He calls over to the bar.] Barkeep!

RORY: You've hardly touched the drink in front of you.

LOGAN: Ah, but I'm anticipating. You don't wait 'till the drink's done to order another. That's for amateurs.

RORY: Right. I forgot you went pro.

LOGAN: So, boys, boys, when is the Life and Death Brigade going out again? We have been remiss.

COLIN: I have ideas. Big ideas, potentially harmful ideas.

[A guy at another table turns around and glares at them for ruining the show.]

GUY: Hey, do you mind?

COLIN: Boyfriend.

FINN: Brother.

COLIN: Or both, he could be Southern.

LOGAN: Hey! New drinking game! Every time the folk singer sounds sincere we have to take a drink.

[The boys laugh.]

JULIET: Buckle up, it's going to be a long night.

FINN: Come on. Start folding your own, gents. Whoever hits the folk singer first, wins. [He flicks a folded-up piece of paper toward the singer. The guy at the other table turns and glares. Finn ducks. Colin flicks his up in the air, instead. They laugh.]

 

RICH MAN'S SHOE - OUTSIDE

[Finn spreads his arms wide as they leave the bar. The bartender locks the gate behind them. Logan is leaning heavily on Rory.]

FINN [shouting]: Good morning, New Haven! My, my, you look fresh and appealing tonight!

FARAWAY VOICE: Shut up!

FINN: God has spoken to me! Rather rudely.

FARAWAY VOICE: Shut up!

RORY: Finn, keep it down!

COLIN [jumps up on a lamp-post]: Finn, watch! To Stingo!

[He tosses a glass high into the air. Finn mimes cocking a gun and 'fires' as the glass hits the ground.]

FARAWAY VOICE: Hey, shut up!

LOGAN: Why are we leaving, Ace?

RORY: Because they're closing.

LOGAN: That's no excuse.

RORY: We've overstayed our welcome.

LOGAN: That makes me sad.

[She leans him up against her car. Colin opens door to the back seat.]

RORY: You've got to get your plane in the morning.

JULIET [from across the street]: They can wait!

ROSEMARY: Why?

JULIET: Finn didn't make a pass at me.

FINN: No, love, my brain is cloudy. Here I am making a pass at you. [He throws his arms in her direction.] Pass. Pass.

COLIN: That's so expositional.

RORY: Guys, just get in the car.

COLIN [glancing at the back seat]: I've forgotten how to get into a car.

FINN: Me, too. Rory, did you have the owner's manual with you, love?

RORY: Oh, my God, just get in!

JULIET: Bon voyage!

ROSEMARY: Good luck with your wrangling.

[They walk down the street.]

LOGAN [pushes Rory aside as Finn climbs in the back seat]: One more drink!

COLIN: Oh! We've got a runner!

RORY: Logan! [She jogs after him, back across to the gate.]

LOGAN [rattling the gate]: Hey, come on, let me in!

RORY: Oh, Logan, they're closed.

LOGAN: I have to apologize to that folk singer!

RORY: She's not here. Everyone's gone.

LOGAN: I hurt her feelings.

RORY: She's a folk singer. She's used to it. Come on. [She walks him back to the car.]

LOGAN [whining]: I don't want to go to Omaha tomorrow!

RORY: I know.

LOGAN: It's boring!

RORY: No.

LOGAN: And it's not here.

[His face falls against hers.]

RORY [pushing him up]: Uh, come on. Yeah.

LOGAN: I don't like steaks or insurance or football or anything else they have there.

RORY: You like steaks.

LOGAN: Do they even have electricity there?

RORY: Yeah. Yeah, they just got it last year.

LOGAN: Don't make me go.

RORY: I'm not making you go, I'm just trying to get you home.

LOGAN: Well, getting me home means that I have to go to sleep and when I wake up I have to go on a plane to Omaha. Where's Omaha? Where's Omaha? [He tries to kiss her. She pushes him into the car.]

RORY: Just get in! Please?

[He cries out as he gets in. Rory glances at the backseat. Finn and Colin have escaped.]

RORY [looking around]: Colin! Finn!

FARAWAY VOICE: Shut up!

RORY: Guys! [She rushes down the street.]

FARAWAY VOICE: Shut up!

 

ELDER GILMORE HOUSE - OUTSIDE

[Rory, alone in her car, pulls into the driveway. She turns the car off and gets out. She hears a gate squeaking behind her. She turns around. Jess is opening the gate.]

RORY [stunned]: Jess.

JESS: Hey.

RORY: Hey.

 

FADE TO BLACK - COMMERCIAL BREAK

 

RORY: I... [After a pause] Sorry. That wasn't a sentence.

JESS [walks over to her]: I got the gist.

RORY: What are you doing here?

JESS: I got a job. Professional driveway skulker.

RORY: Pay's good?

JESS: Yeah, but the hours suck.

RORY: Jess -

JESS: I'm in town on a little business. All nice and above board.

RORY: How'd you know where to find me?

JESS: Luke. I shook it out of him, he wasn't sure if it was okay.

RORY: It's okay. You look good! The years don't seem to have hardened you.

JESS: Yeah, you look good, too. I know this is kind of weird, but there's actually something I wanted to tell you. Show you, actually. [He notices Rory glancing up at the house.] I can come back another time.

RORY: No, it's just, uh, we're kind of exposed, here. I mean, her window is like right there.

JESS: Who's?

RORY: Oh, my grandma's. You want to come in?

JESS: You sure?

RORY: Yeah. Come on. But just be careful. She's a very light sleeper.

[They head inside.]

 

RORY'S BEDROOM

[They enter.]

RORY: Here we are.

JESS: Casa Rory.

[Rory snatches a pillow from the bed and puts it on the ground in front of the door.]

RORY: So our voices don't carry.

JESS: Very prudent.

RORY [gesturing around]: This is not really my taste.

JESS: Yeah, not unless you've aged about ninety years.

RORY: I haven't.

JESS [pointing at the dress hanging from the door]: Is that for Halloween?

RORY: No, no, this is just for a function I have to go to.

JESS: A function.

RORY: It's just a job. The DAR. Daughters of the American Revolution. It's not a career or anything.

JESS: Oh, I hope not.

RORY: No, see. Don't get the wrong idea. I'm just here temporarily. My mom and I -

JESS: Luke alluded to something.

RORY: It's a long story. I was crashing in the pool house and that was just temporary, but the pool house became storage, so then I had to move into the main house. All temporary.

JESS: Isn't school in session?

RORY: Mm-hm.

JESS: Why aren't you living on campus?

RORY: Because I'm - not going.

JESS: You graduate already, Doogie?

RORY: No, I'm just taking a little time off.

JESS: Time off.

RORY: So, where are you living, Jess? I want to know about you. Mystery man.

JESS: I'm in Philly.

RORY: Really?

JESS: Don't laugh.

RORY: No, I'm not. Philadelphia's gotten cool.

JESS: Yeah, and New York's gotten expensive. Anyway, it's a, it's a pretty cool scene in Philly now. A lot of younger people there. Pretty big art scene.

RORY: I know. I read that in the New York Times. They had a picture of a bunch of young people standing on a roof, kind of eclectic and all. It looked fun. I mean, it was clearly one of those pictures that wasn't candid, it was looking a little stiff, but they looked happy.

JESS: Are you nervous?

RORY: A little. [She sighs, smiling] It's been a long time.

JESS: I'm a little nervous, too.

RORY: Good, I'm not alone.

JESS: So, I didn't just come here to chat. I wanted to show you something. [He begins digging in his bag.]

RORY: Right. You said that.

JESS: And I didn't think you'd believe it if I didn't show it to you in person. [He pulls out a small book and hands it to her.]

RORY: Oh, color me curious. [She takes it.] A book. [She reads the cover.] The Subsect. Written by Jess Mariano. [She looks up at him, questioning.]

JESS: That's no misprint.

RORY: You wrote a book?

JESS: A short novel.

RORY: You wrote a book?

JESS: And through a fluke I got it to these guys that have a small press, and they read it, I don't know if they were high or something, but they decided to publish it!

RORY: You wrote a book.

JESS: There's no money in it. They only printed, like, five hundred of them. Believe me, I'm not quitting my day job.

RORY: But - you wrote it. You wrote a book. [She stands and flips through it.]

JESS: Yeah, I know, it's hard to believe.

RORY: You sat down and wrote a novel.

JESS: Author distributed, too. That's what I'm doing here. I'm going around, begging independent bookstores to put it in stock. Got it in a few.

RORY: Cool! Where?

JESS: Around.

RORY: I want to see it in a store!

JESS: I can give you the addresses.

RORY: You know what I'm going to do when I see it in a store?

JESS: What?

RORY: You know that section toward the front, the staff recommendations? I'm going to grab a copy of your book and put it in that section. And then I'm going to write my own little recommendation on a card and attach it so people see it and buy it.

JESS [laughing]: Read it first. That way you can discourage people from buying it.

RORY: No way. I know it's good. Jess, you've got such a great brain. I knew that if you could just sit down and stop shaking it around you could do something like this. I knew it. I knew it.

JESS: I know you did. I work at that press now. Five smelly guys in a cramped room on Locust Street putting out about three books a month. But it's fun.

RORY: And what about a sequel? Are you writing a sequel?

JESS: You should read it before you get too jazzed about it, okay?

RORY [glances frantically at the door]: Shh! [She sighs.] Sorry. I thought I heard footsteps. I think we're okay.

JESS: It's kind of late. I should go.

[They stand.]

RORY: It is kind of late.

JESS: So I just basically wanted to show you that. Tell you - tell you that I couldn't have done it without you.

RORY [touched]: Thanks.

JESS [after a pause]: I'm going to be around for a couple of days. Can we talk again? Preferably above a whisper.

RORY: Yeah. I'd like that. How about tomorrow night?

JESS: Eight okay?

RORY: Yep.

JESS: Good. [He points to the door.] I'll sneak out on my own.

RORY: Cool.

[He picks up the pillow and hands it to her. He opens the door.]

RORY: Oh, hey, your book.

JESS: Oh, it's yours.

[He leaves. Rory sits down and starts to read.]

 

SOCCER FIELD - NEXT DAY

[The girls are practicing in their new blue jerseys. Luke and Lorelai walk along the side, wearing matching jerseys and caps.]

LORELAI: So where are the bleachers?

LUKE: Oh, they don't have bleachers at soccer games. They just stand on the sidelines.

LORELAI: Well, where do we go if we feel like making out in the middle of the game?

LUKE: Well, I don't think they'd mind if we did it right here in front of them.

LORELAI: Cool. You've got a nice crowd here, Mr. Sponsor.

LUKE: Not bad, not bad.

LORELAI: So these are soccer moms, huh?

LUKE: Or just really bored spinsters.

LORELAI: They seem very concerned with education and national security.

WOMAN [from the diner, running over]: Luke! Hi, you came!

LUKE: Oh, yeah, I thought I'd come down, see the girls in action.

WOMAN: Oh, they give it their all! You'll be proud.

LUKE: I'm sure I will.

LORELAI: Look at those girls! Look how cute they are in those uniforms.

LUKE: Yeah, check out the other team. Cheap fabric, cheap stitching.

LORELAI: Look at the sponsor, Fred's Dry-cleaning. Ruined a favorite sweater years ago, today he pays.

[Luke chuckles. Megan and Tillie jog over to them.]

MEGAN: Luke! You came!

LUKE: Hey, girls! You ready to play?

MEGAN: We hope so.

LUKE: The other team? I think you're going to wipe the floor with them.

MEGAN: I think we've got a shot.

LUKE: Oh, I know you've got a shot! Don't forget, we're having a little celebration at the diner afterwards, win or lose.

MEGAN: Cool!

TILLIE: We'd better get back.

LUKE: Uh, have a good game.

MEGAN: See ya!

LORELAI: Bend it like Beckham!

[They run back and join the rest of their team.]

LORELAI: Oh, so I dropped Paul Anka off at doggy day care. It's a little scary.

LUKE: Be good for him.

LORELAI: Eh, he seemed okay. He was a little stand-offish at first, but then he got very friendly with the cash register and then a dog ran up to him and he played dead for a couple seconds and when that didn't work he ran off playing with the other dogs! I think it's going to do him some good.

LUKE: I think so, too. [The game starts.] Oh, here we go.

[Luke's team kicks the ball into the middle of the other team. The referee blows the whistle.]

LORELAI: Oh, who got the ball?

LUKE: Well, the Bobcats lost the toss so the other team got the ball.

LORELAI: So we've lost already?

LUKE: Just the toss, it means nothing.

LORELAI: Well, how many points are we behind because we screwed up the toss?

LUKE: Nothing. It just started. Zero, zero.

LORELAI: Were we talking during the toss? How'd we miss the toss?

LUKE: Just watch the game.

LORELAI: Okay. Look at that Megan run.

LUKE: Ooh, she's making her move.

LORELAI: She's fast.

LUKE: Yeah, see her coming up behind that girl? She's going to try to steal it and then move the ball forward and get is towards - [They flinch as someone is hit on the field.]

LORELAI [horrified]: Oh!

LUKE: Oh, what was that?

FATHER [standing nearby, claps enthusiastically]: Good hustle, girls! Good hustle!

LORELAI: Is that girl unconscious?

LUKE: No, no, no, she's getting up. She's a little wobbly, though.

LORELAI: Is it okay for Megan to slam her elbow in that girl's neck like that?

LUKE: I don't think so.

[Another girl from the other team is knocked down.]

LUKE: Oh my God.

LORELAI: That was poor little Tillie.

LUKE: There's blood. I see blood.

LORELAI: Who is their coach, Sam Peckinpah?

WOMAN [from the diner]: Way to go, Tillie, dominate, dominate!

LORELAI: Shouldn't that be a foul or something?

WOMAN: Oh, don't worry. Tillie is an expert at knowing when the ref is watching and when he isn't. Aggression! Aggression, aggression!

LORELAI: I cannot watch this. [She covers her eyes. Another hit is made. Luke flinches.] Ah, God, I heard that, and it is just as bad as seeing it.

LUKE: Now I think that girl's unconscious.

 

PARKING LOT - AFTER THE GAME

[Megan and Tillie are seen in the background, walking with the woman.]

WOMAN: So proud.

[Luke and Lorelai hurry into Luke's truck and slam the doors. They stare ahead for a moment, shocked.]

LORELAI: It was - it was -

LUKE: Violent!

LORELAI: Scarface on a soccer field!

LUKE: Those little girls! Megan, Tillie.

LORELAI: Animals, animals!

LUKE: Did you see the blood on their jerseys?

LORELAI: Oh, I did. I did see that! And the refs look like they're afraid to call penalties!

LUKE: Can you blame them?

LORELAI [glancing behind them]: It's Alicia! Duck!

[They crouch down and peek nervously out the back window.]

LUKE: Oh, she's not coming after us. Although she is walking right toward us. Oh! She turned.

[They sit up.]

LORELAI: Oh, thank God.

LUKE: She turned away.

LORELAI: Okay.

LUKE: Sweet little eleven year old girls.

LORELAI: Killers, killers all!

LUKE: They won, they won that game.

LORELAI: Bobcats thirty-seven, humanity nothing! I don't want to go to another game.

LUKE: Me, neither.

LORELAI: Good!

[They glance around again, paranoid.]

LUKE: This seems like a good time to get away.

LORELAI: Yeah, they're all distracted.

[He starts the truck.]

LORELAI: Gun it! Gun it!

[They take off.]

 

ELDER GILMORE'S HOUSE - OUTSIDE

[Jess picks up a couple of small rocks from around a fountain. He tosses them up at a second story window. Rory opens the front door.]

RORY: What are you doing?

JESS: I didn't know if it was okay to ring or not.

RORY: She's not here.

JESS: She's not?

RORY: She's playing bridge tonight.

JESS: Good. [He replaces the rest of the rocks in his hand.] I parked on the street so she wouldn't see.

RORY: You're very good at covert ops.

JESS: Years of practice. So where do you want to go?

RORY: I don't know. I don't know the area that well.

JESS: You live here.

RORY: I know, but Hartford's still a mystery. Even when I went to Chilton I got right on the bus and headed home, so I don't even have any old high school hangouts to revisit. And these days I've just been eating here.

JESS: Well, I just prefer not going someplace that has food in the title.

RORY: Meaning?

JESS: Olive. Chili. Soup. No gardens, no plantations.

RORY: Got it. Something funkier.

JESS: Steer me to the college district, I'll find us something funky.

RORY: Sounds good.

[They turn to walk to his car as Logan pulls up in his Porsche. Rory glances at Jess as Logan gets out.]

RORY: Logan!

LOGAN: Am I interrupting something?

RORY: No. Hey. When did you get back?

LOGAN: A couple hours ago.

RORY: Oh, I thought, I thought you were getting back tomorrow.

LOGAN: Thought I'd surprise you, Ace.

RORY: Well, I'm glad you did, 'cause you get to meet my old friend, Jess. [She turns to Jess.] This is Logan, my boyfriend. Logan, this is Jess. He's in from out of town. [Logan stares at him. Jess smirks.] Wow. That sounded so grown-up. We're at the age now where we say things like 'in from out of town' and 'old friend'. 'Cause when you're young, all your friends are new. You have to get old to have old friends.

[She smiles and shakes her head awkwardly. After a pause. Logan steps forward, his hand outstretched. Jess shakes it.]

LOGAN: How you doing?

JESS: Okay.

RORY: We were just going to go grab a bite to eat.

LOGAN: Great, well, how about if we all go together, is that okay?

[Rory discreetly rolls her eyes.]

JESS: Okay by me.

LOGAN: Good.

RORY: All right. Good. We were actually at a loss for where to go, so you actually saved us.

LOGAN: Call me Superman. [To Jess] Why don't you follow us. [He puts his arm around Rory and walks her to the passenger side of his car.]

JESS: Sure. Great.

LOGAN: Come on.

[Jess stands watching them for a moment, rubs his jaw and walks to his car.]

 

LORELAI'S HOUSE

[Lorelai comes in the front door. She looks down and sees a long line of paired shoes. She follows the trail around the corner. It comes to an end at Paul Anka, lying unhappily in front of Rory's door.]

LORELAI: Baby. Oh.

[She pets him, looking sad.]

 

LUKE'S DINER

[Luke is sitting at the end of a long row of tables, containing members of the soccer team.]

LUKE [frustrated]: Look. I'm not saying take a dive or let 'em win -

TILLIE: Good burger.

LUKE: Thanks. I'm not even saying let 'em score a goal. Which the other team did not.

MEGAN: Yeah, shut-out!

[The girls high-five over the table.]

TILLIE: Showed up!

ANOTHER GIRL: They ate some dirt.

LUKE: They did, they did. They ate some dirt. You fed it to 'em. But all I'm saying is, do you have to hit them so hard?

MEGAN: It's part of the game.

TILLIE: Yeah, you have to be aggressive or they'll roll over you!

MEGAN: You're not being competitive if your jersey doesn't have a little O negative on it.

LUKE: I know, absolutely. But, for example, Megan, that bicycle kick you did.

MEGAN: Bicycle kicks are allowed.

LUKE: Not on another girl's head.

MEGAN [protesting]: She was all up in my grill!

LUKE: I know! And I don't like when people are all up in my grill. But there are other ways to deal with it.

TILLIE: We play the way the boys play.

OTHER GIRL: Watch 'em. You'll see.

LUKE: But boys are boys, and girls are girls.

[The girls' heads pop up suddenly and they all glare at Luke.]

MEGAN: I cannot believe I'm hearing this.

TILLIE: So we're just supposed to play like cute little girls like we're at some tea party?

LUKE: I'm not saying that.

GIRL: We want to win!

TILLIE: Which means we gotta kick some butt!

GIRLS [clapping]: Yeah!

LUKE [shakes his head at Tillie]: You were so shy when I met you. [The phone rings.] I'll be right back.

[The girls resume their chatter as he gets up to answer the phone.]

GIRLS: Awesome, we creamed those guys.

LUKE [picks up the phone]: Luke's.

[Scene cuts from Luke's to Lorelai's house.]

LORELAI: Hey. It's me.

LUKE: Hey, what's wrong?

LORELAI [worried]: It's Paul Anka. He's sick.

LUKE: He's sick?

LORELAI: Yeah. He doesn't want to walk or eat or anything. He's never been sick. In his whole life. I mean, I haven't had him his whole life, so it's possible he's been sick in his life. I'll never know for sure. But to me it's as if it's the first time he's ever been sick.

LUKE: He got sick when he ate that chocolate. Did he eat more chocolate?

LORELAI: He hasn't eaten chocolate. He hasn't eaten anything in two days.

LUKE: Get him to the vet.

LORELAI: I did. The vet just said that he has some sort of bug and to let him be until it passes. I feel so helpless.

LUKE: Well, I've got the team here, so as soon as they're gone, I'll come over. They wolf it down like pigs, so it's not going to be that long, unless they want a third helping.

LORELAI: Maybe I should take him back to the vet.

LUKE: Just let Paul Anka be. Dogs are dogs, they know how to heal.

LORELAI: Paul Anka isn't a dog. He's some sort of hybrid. Maybe that vet doesn't specialize in hybrids.

LUKE: Sit tight, I'll be over soon.

LORELAI: Okay. Bye.

LUKE: Bye.

[He hangs up. He looks over at the girls, who are laughing.]

GIRL: She went one way and her knee went the other!

GIRLS: Yeah!

[He makes his way back to the table.]

 

RICH MAN'S SHOE PUB

[Logan and Rory sit on one side of the table, Jess is on the other. The mood is tense.]

LOGAN: I live pretty close. I'd have had you over to check it out, but it's a bit of a mess.

RORY: And you don't serve food, so we would've been starving at your place.

LOGAN: I've got appetizers. A full bag of chips, just check the expiration date before you dive in.

JESS: I'm good with this place.

LOGAN: A little pointer, don't come on folk night.

JESS: Yeah, I'm not a big fan of folk music.

LOGAN: That something we have in common.

JESS: Great. [He takes a drink. Rory smiles apologetically.]

LOGAN: Where is a waitress? [She walks by.] Yo, yo. Right here. Uh, another McKellan's neat, and Jess, another brew?

JESS: Still working on this one.

LOGAN: Another one. Just in case.

RORY: So, we should probably order. It's a big menu, so if you need guidance -

JESS: I'm not hungry.

LOGAN: You're not hungry?

JESS: Nope.

LOGAN: Thought the whole point was you two were going to get something to eat.

RORY: And talk.

LOGAN: Well, yes. It's a given that you're going to talk while you eat. You know, the chef de cuisine will gladly make anything you want if nothing there appeals.

RORY [sighs and leans back]: The burgers are good here.

JESS: Maybe a burger.

LOGAN: Get one of those fancy ones, too. It's on me, so don't let the price stop you.

JESS: I'll pay for my own.

LOGAN [nods]: Good man. [He opens his menu.] So how long have you two known each other?

JESS: A while.

LOGAN: You date?

RORY: Yes. We used to date.

LOGAN: Ah. No hemming, no hawing. Good course of action. So. Were you two high school sweethearts? Rock around the clock, two straws in the milkshake?

RORY [grimaces]: Logan.

LOGAN: Hey, did we cheers? I don't think we cheered. That's bad luck. Let's cheers.

JESS: I think we did already. Twice.

LOGAN: Well, let's do it again. Cheers.

[Jess grudgingly lifts his glass and clinks it on Logan's. Rory half-heartedly lifts her glass.]

RORY: Cheers.

[They drink.]

LOGAN: So. What do you do, Jess?

JESS: Oh, this and tha.

LOGAN: Describe the 'this'. Describe the 'that'.

RORY: He writes.

LOGAN: You write? Impressive. What do you write?

JESS: Nothing important.

RORY: He wrote a book.

LOGAN: Oh. You penned the great American novel, Jess?

JESS: Wasn't quite that ambitious.

LOGAN: So what are we talking here? Short novel? Kafka length, or longer. Dos Pasos? Tolstoy? Or longer? Robert Musil? Proust? I'm not throwing you with these names, am I?

JESS [smirks]: You seem very obsessed with length.

LOGAN: I'm just trying to get a picture in my head, that's all.

RORY: It's a short novel!

LOGAN [to Rory]: Any good?

RORY: I haven't read it yet.

LOGAN: Yet? [To Jess] Well, at least you're going to have one reader. That's something.

JESS: Yeah.

LOGAN: You know, I should just write down all my thoughts and stuff that happens to me and conversations I have and just add a bunch of ‘he said, she said's and get it published. You got a copy on you?

JESS: No.

LOGAN: You should send me a copy.

JESS: Sure. Where do I send it? The blond dick at Yale?

RORY: Jess.

[Jess gets up to leave. Logan stands up, gets in his way and tries to challenge him.]

LOGAN: Whoa, whoa, we're just trying to keep it friendly, here, buddy!

JESS: Get out of my way. [He leaves. Rory gets up and follows him.]

LOGAN: Forget him, Rory.

RORY: Don't follow me.

 

RICH MAN'S SHOE - OUTSIDE

[Rory runs after Jess.]

RORY: Jess, wait.

JESS [turns to her]: We shouldn't have done this.

RORY: He's just in a bad way lately.

JESS: He's a jerk!

RORY: He was. In there, definitely. I'm so sorry.

JESS: I read that guy the second I saw him. I should have begged off.

RORY: Well, I didn't want you to!

JESS: He'd better not come out here.

RORY: Please, Jess. He had a lot to drink. He's tired from traveling. This isn't him. I swear.

JESS: What the hell is going on?

RORY: I told you, he's tired! And his family's bugging him right now -

JESS: I mean, with you! What's going on with you?

RORY [stunned]: What do you mean?

JESS: You know what I mean! I know you. I know you better than anyone! This isn't you.

RORY: I don't know.

JESS [passionately]: What are you doing? Living at your grandparents' place? Being in the DAR? No Yale - why did you drop out of Yale?

RORY: It's complicated!

JESS: It's not! It's not complicated!

RORY [defensive]: You don't know!

JESS: This isn't you! This! You going out with this jerk, with the Porsche! We made fun of guys like this!

RORY: You caught him on a bad night.

JESS: This isn't about him! Okay? Screw him! What's going on with you? This isn't you, Rory. You know it isn't. What's going on?

[Rory is starting to get it. He looks at her, questioning.]

RORY [sincerely]: I don't know. [She looks around, thinking. She wraps her coat tightly around her.] I don't know.

[They look at each other for a moment.]

JESS [emotionally]: Okay, uh. Maybe, maybe we'll catch up at a better time. [He reaches out and rubs her elbow. He turns to leave. He stops at the gate and turns back.] Happy birthday, by the way. Wasn't that a couple weeks ago? Your birthday?

[Rory, still shocked, nods slightly. Jess smiles sadly and leaves. Rory watches him, then sighs. She narrows her eyes and marches inside.]

 

RICH MAN'S SHOE - INSIDE

[Rory enters. Logan is sitting at their table, drinking another Scotch.]

LOGAN: You're not going to believe this. Over the music, the crowd, I hear one girl's voice cutting through it all. The folk singer. She's in the corner with her boyfriend. I sent them over a round of drinks. What the hell? He gone?

RORY: Yes. He's gone.

LOGAN: Writers. They're so sensitive.

RORY: You were a jerk, Logan.

LOGAN: I was just challenging him, geez. Hey, if Hemingway could take it, so could he. Hey, if he wanted to, he could've taken a pop at me. Pugnacity. It's a vital component in literary life. Again, consult your Hemingway. Come on. Do not let this guy get to you.

RORY: You're getting to me!

LOGAN: Me?

RORY: Yes. You were an ass!

LOGAN: Look. I'm sorry I came back early, I really messed things up here.

RORY: Jess wrote a book! He wrote a book, and you mocked him.

LOGAN: I did not mock him.

RORY: He's doing something!

LOGAN: Good, fine, he's doing something. Everybody in the world's doing something. More power to him.

RORY: I'm not! I mean, what am I doing? I'm living with my grandparents.

LOGAN: That's temporary. Have a drink.

RORY: Temporary can turn into forever.

LOGAN: You're not living with the Gilmores forever.

RORY: I'm palling with my grandmother, I'm being waited on by a maid. I come home and my shoes are magically shined, my clothes are magically clean, ironed and laid out. My bed is magically turned down. I'm in the DAR? I'm going to meetings and teas and cocktail parties?

LOGAN: Again, temporary. Have a drink.

RORY: I'm wasting my time partying and drinking, just hanging out, doing nothing!

LOGAN [stands up]: Whoa, whoa, whoa, don't pull me into this.

RORY: I didn't say anything about you.

LOGAN: Yes you did. Don't make me feel guilty for your drinking and partying. That's your choice. I'm not forcing you when I ask you out, you can say no!

RORY: It's all we do.

LOGAN: It's not all we do.

RORY: It's all you do.

LOGAN: Well, that's my prerogative. You know? You're damn straight, I'm going to party. I'm going to do it while I have the chance because come June, my life is over!

RORY [sarcastically]: Oh, yes, your horrible life, let's hear about it!

LOGAN [wipes his face angrily]: Got a week?

RORY: You have every door open to you! You have opportunities that anyone would kill for, including me!

LOGAN: No one's stopping you from making whatever you want happen! Go into journalism! Go into politics! Be a doctor, be a clown! Do whatever you want!

RORY: It's not as easy when it's not handed to you.

LOGAN: Really. It's all so easy for me? I don't want that life! It's forced on me! You talk about all these doors being open? All I see is one door, and I'm being pushed through it! I have no choice! You try living without options.

RORY: How hard are you fighting it?

LOGAN: I didn't tell you to quit Yale! You did that! I gave you one month, you went beyond the month and it had nothing to do with me! It was all you! Now, you want to change, change it. But don't blame me, don't you dare blame me! You know what, why don't you go off with John, Jack, whatever his name is!

RORY: Oh, I'm not going off with Jess!

LOGAN [sighs]: Come on.

RORY: Where?

LOGAN: Let's go. I want to go. I don't want to be here.

RORY: I don't want to go.

LOGAN: Well, I drove you here and I want to go!

RORY: I don't want to go!

LOGAN: Fine. [He pulls some money out of his pocket.] That'll cover the bill, cab. [He drops it on the table.] Do whatever you want. It's your choice.

[He leaves. Rory sighs.]

 

ELDER GILMORE HOUSE

[Emily knocks on Rory's bedroom door.]

EMILY: Rory. It's seven-thirty. [She knocks again. When there is no response, she opens the door. She walks in and sees the bed made, as if Rory didn't come home the night before. She looks around, panicked.]

 

LORELAI'S HOUSE

[Early morning. Luke is asleep. He stretches his leg across the bed and when he doesn't find Lorelai he wakes up.]

LUKE: Lorelai?

[He gets up and walks through the house. He finds her in Rory's room, curled up in the chair. Paul Anka is asleep on the bed. Lorelai wakes up when Luke crouches down next to her. She looks as if she hasn't slept at all. Her eyes are red.]

LORELAI: Is he okay?

LUKE: Yeah, he looks the same.

LORELAI: Is he breathing?

LUKE: He's breathing.

LORELAI: Nice and steady?

LUKE: He's fast asleep.

LORELAI: Good.

LUKE: Yeah. You been here all night?

LORELAI: I kept thinking I heard him.

LUKE: Yeah, he does snore occasionally.

LORELAI: And then he was cold so I put his jersey on him.

LUKE: Yeah, I think he likes it.

LORELAI: Yeah. Every time I go back up to bed, you know, after checking on him, I just was convinced that he needed me and so I came back and finally I just ended up here.

LUKE: Well, it's as good a place as any.

LORELAI: Yeah. He doesn't want to eat anything. I had all these milk bones ready for him but he doesn't want anything. [She sniffs.]

LUKE: What's the baster for?

LORELAI: In case he's thirsty but he can't lift his head, so I can just shoot water in his mouth.

LUKE: Got it.

LORELAI [takes a deep breath}: He doesn't seem to want anything.

LUKE: He's going to be okay, He's strong.

LORELAI [shakes her head, crying]: He's so helpless. It must be so awful to be sick when you're a dog. 'Cause you can't run or play or watch TV or do anything to pass the time. Watching a lot of TV is the only good part of being sick.

LUKE: I know.

LORELAI: And the thing with the shoes, he was trying to tell me something.

LUKE: What?

LORELAI: He was trying to tell me to put my shoes on and take him to the vet because he felt something coming on and he was trying to ward it off and I didn't take him.

LUKE: I don't think that's why he was playing with your shoes.

LORELAI: I tried so hard. I have a list of things that he's afraid of on the fridge. And I try to do the right thing. I should not have socialized him at Kirk's doggy day care the other day. I should have taken him to the best doggy day care in the country, even if it was in Seattle. That's where I should have taken him.

LUKE: He's fine hanging with Kirk.

LORELAI: I did this wrong. I did this all wrong! How could I have let this happen? How did I not see it coming? How didn't I step in and do something? And why can't I fix these things?

LUKE [rubbing her neck]: Hey.

LORELAI: I'm a bad mother!

LUKE: You're not a bad mother. Did you sleep at all?

LORELAI [sniffs]: A little.

LUKE: You stay home this morning. [She nods.] I'll call Sookie and tell her you'll be late. [She nods again and sniffles, still in tears.] He's going to be okay.

LORELAI [shrugs]: I hope so.

LUKE [kissing her forehead]: Everything's going to be okay.

 

LANE'S APARTMENT

[Rory walks out of Lane's bedroom. Lane is in the kitchen drinking coffee.]

LANE: Good morning, friend!

RORY: Back at you, friend! Where are the guys?

LANE: Ah, they go to work early. I made you coffee.

RORY: Oh, I've got time for a sip. Thanks for letting me crash here.

LANE [pouring her coffee]: Anytime you want.

RORY: I might take you up on that.

LANE: Can't wait to hear the whole story.

RORY [sips her coffee]: Still living it.

LANE: So, I got a message on my cell phone. From your grandmother.

RORY: On your cell phone?

LANE: How did she get the number?

RORY: Ugh, she's Emily Gilmore. I gotta run. [She leaves.]

LANE [sighs]: Drive carefully!

 

RUSSIAN TEA PARTY

[The DAR ladies are enjoying the tea and the authentic live music, including balalaikas. Emily hurries in, looking concerned. She sees Rory and steps up behind her, glaring. Rory is giving instructions to a server.]

RORY: A fresh platter is all we need. Thanks. [The server leaves.]

EMILY [from behind her]: I need to go somewhere and have a little talk with you.

RORY: Later, Grandma. I'm needed out here.

EMILY: Young lady, I insist that we go somewhere and talk right now.

RORY: Grandma, I am sorry, I can't.

EMILY: There's a kitchen here, We'll go there.

RORY: No, I am not going to the kitchen with you! We'll talk later.

EMILY: Must they play those damn guitars?

RORY: They're balalaikas!

EMILY: They're too loud.

RORY: They're Russian and they're not mic’ed. That's their volume.

EMILY: I'm not liking this tone of yours.

RORY: Well, you're forcing the tone, Grandma! I said I'll talk to you later, but right now, I'm not leaving this room! [So turns to walk away. Emily follows her.]

EMILY: Where were you last night? Why didn't you call?

RORY: You're overreacting.

EMILY: You're not wearing your dress.

RORY: I didn't have time to go home.

EMILY: You almost missed the event!

RORY: No, I was early for the event. What I missed was your inspection of me back at the house. That's what you're upset about.

EMILY: My inspections, missy, are for your own good. You're new to the DAR. You don't know the proper procedure for things. The proper dress!

RORY: I do okay!

EMILY: This is not just about me, everyone was worried about you!

RORY: You mean everyone that you called when you took my private address book and tried to find me?

EMILY: Yes, I did call people.

RORY: Well, you shouldn't have!

EMILY: A lot of good it did! You should update that ridiculous address book of yours, half the numbers were disconnected!

RORY [sarcastically]: Oh, I'll do that!

EMILY: You have people in there you haven't spoken to for years! You should remove them!

RORY: Uh-huh.

EMILY: I'm throwing that book out.

RORY: Do not throw that book out!

EMILY: Do not use that tone with me!

RORY: I want to be very clear -

EMILY: You are becoming more like your mother with every passing day.

RORY: And you are becoming more like my mother's mother with every passing day!

EMILY: That's it, that's it!

RORY: What's it?

EMILY: You're grounded!

RORY: Grounded?

EMILY: Yes!

RORY: I'm twenty-one! You can't ground me.

EMILY: And no more sleepovers at Paris' house.

RORY: Grandma, I go wherever I want, whenever I want! And I haven't been sleeping at Paris' house three nights a week! I've been at Logan's!

EMILY: When your father gets home, we're going to talk about the house rules and be on the same page once and for all!

RORY [confused]: You mean my grandfather.

EMILY [surprised]: You know what I meant!

RORY: Well, I'd have to be living at the house to have house rules!

EMILY: What does that mean?

RORY: Excuse me. [She turns and leaves.]

EMILY: Young lady, do not walk away from me!

[Furious, she marches out the other door. The balalaikas ring out.]

________________________END_________________________

Transcribed by KRISTINA SMITH for http://www.twiztv.com