\ Die, Jerk /
transcript par avecl'assistance de Canopus
OPEN AT ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE
[Lorelai, Rory, Richard, and Emily are eating dinner]
RORY: More broccoli, Grandpa?
RICHARD: Absolutely. Staves off the cancer.
LORELAI: Staves off my appetite.
EMILY: You really should eat more green things,Lorelai.
LORELAI: I plan to eat a five-dollar bill latertonight.
RORY: Oh, have you seen the new twenties? Theyhave a little peach color in 'em.
LORELAI: Peach, perfect. I'll eat a new twenty,I'll have my fruits and vegetables.
RICHARD: I think we saw some of the new twentiesin Atlantic City, didn't we, Emily?
EMILY: I think.
RORY: How was Atlantic City? Successful?
RICHARD: Very.
LORELAI: Well, Siskel's chimed in. What about you?
EMILY: I'm refraining.
RICHARD: It's a bit of a sore subject.
LORELAI: We'll talk about something else.
EMILY: The garishness, the garishness.
LORELAI: Thus spake Ebert.
EMILY: Why have a simple sign if it can be inbright flashing neon? And the new slot machines? They don't just make obnoxiousbell sounds anymore, they yell at you.
LORELAI: The slot machines were talking to you,Mom? Are you sure it wasn't just you?
RICHARD: Oh, they talk, I can verify that. One ofthem kept yelling, "wheel. . .of. . .fortune!"
EMILY: And the parking lot of the hotel that westayed at had an area for RV's.
LORELAI: Perish the thought!
EMILY: And the boardwalk...
RORY: Oh, I've always wanted to see the AtlanticCity boardwalk.
EMILY: I'll save you a trip. Tip an overflowingtrash can on your front porch and walk up and down on it.
RICHARD: It was actually quite a successfulouting. Maybe not to our taste, but the clients loved it.
EMILY: The clients were too plastered to knowbetter.
LORELAI: Kind of the point.
EMILY: Two of them stayed up all night and smelledlike it.
RICHARD: That was a tad gross.
EMILY: One of them - a married man - had a longconversation with. . .how shall I put this delicately? A woman of less thanreputable nature.
LORELAI: Hm. Do hookers charge to let you talk tothem?
RORY: Depends on what they're doing when they'retalking to you.
EMILY: Rory!
RORY: Sorry.
EMILY: I expect that from your mother, but notyou.
RORY: Just a joke.
LORELAI: Yeah, Mom, Yale is broadening her worldview.
EMILY: Digger was in his element.
RICHARD: You mean Jason was in his element.
EMILY: He caroused along with the best of them.
LORELAI: You carouse any, Dad?
RICHARD: I played a little craps, but the tableswere ice-cold.
EMILY: What's the next outing Jason has plannedfor your clients, Richard? Spring break in Cancn so you can do shots offpeople's bellies?
LORELAI: I'm uncomfortable hearing you say that.
RORY: Me, too.
RICHARD: I can assure you, Emily, that there areno belly shots in our future.
LORELAI: Although doing one off Dad's belly isokay. You're married.
EMILY: And those gifts. Those heinous gifts hegave out.
RICHARD: Oh, we had little roulette wheels printedup with our company name on them. They were a big hit. Perfect for anexecutive's table. I got one for each of you.
EMILY: Richard, don't, it's embarrassing.
RORY: They're cute.
EMILY: They're the antithesis of class - so likeDigger.
RICHARD: Emily, that was his nickname as a boy,and he's sensitive about it.
EMILY: I've never called him that to his face.
RICHARD: You did at that craps table, and then hesevened out.
EMILY: Please, let's discuss something other thanNew Jersey.
RICHARD: I am more than willing.
LORELAI: Hey, have you guys read any of Rory'sarticles in the Yale newspaper?
EMILY: Of course, we've read them all.
RICHARD: Fine work, Rory. The Yale Daily News islucky to have you.
RORY: Oh, it's really not a big deal.
LORELAI: Hey, they're right. Take your props.
RICHARD: You'll be running that paper before long.
RORY: I'm not even on staff yet.
EMILY: You're not?
RORY: These are just tryout articles to qualify.You have to write something for every department, and then if those pass muster,then you're on staff.
RICHARD: Well, your coverage of that lacrossematch was very exciting.
LORELAI: Yeah. For two seconds, I almost gave aflying you-know-what about lacrosse.
EMILY: I liked your coverage on the new fundsapproved for upkeep on the divinity quadrangle.
RICHARD: You made it sing.
EMILY: We're having all your articles laminated.
RORY: That's very nice.
LORELAI: Yes! I got my number.
CUT TO THE YALE NEWSPAPER OFFICE
[Rory is looking through a newspaper]
PARIS: It just seems like a quaint archaism. Imean, if you're a good journalist, why make you jump through hoops and write allthese tryout articles? Stale bagel.
RORY: It's a time-honored tradition. All ourforebears had to do it.
PARIS: If our forebears had fought it, we wouldn'tbe dealing with it now. What are you looking for?
RORY: My article. I did a review of thechamber-music recital.
PARIS: Must be in there somewhere. And that's theother thing - they print everything.
RORY: Hm, that's weird.
PARIS: They'd print my mattress tag if it was inthe right margins.
RORY: It's not here.
PARIS: Impossible.
RORY: No, I've looked pretty thoroughly.
PARIS: Must be a mistake.
RORY: No, it's really not here.
PARIS: Just means parakeets will be crapping onsomething else in the morning. They're all stale.
DOYLE: Morning. Morning.
RORY: Hi, Doyle.
DOYLE: Hi, Rory. Coffee mint?
RORY: No, thanks.
DOYLE: I'm addicted to these things. So is BobWoodward. So I hear - not that I'm copying him. What's up?
RORY: Well, I was wondering if there was a problemwith my review.
DOYLE: Oh, the review? Which was yours, thequartet?
RORY: Yeah, chamber music at Sprague Hall.
DOYLE: Right, right.
RORY: Did I get it in late?
DOYLE: No, you got it in right on time. You'regood about that.
RORY: But you didn't print it.
DOYLE: No, we didn't.
RORY: So, space issue?
DOYLE: No, we had the space. We always have thespace, but it was a bit of a yawn.
RORY: A yawn?
DOYLE: Yeah.
RORY: Well, you know, chamber-music recitals arevery low-key, kind of yawny affairs. Pretty music but no stage diving oranything.
DOYLE: I meant the writing.
RORY: The writing was kind of a yawn?
DOYLE: But don't sweat it. You'll do better nexttime.
RORY: Right, sure.
DOYLE: My mother liked it.
RORY: Liked what?
DOYLE: The recital. She's old. Excuse me.
RORY: Sure. Sure.
PARIS: Your article didn't get in?
RORY: No, it didn't.
PARIS: [checks the paper] Mine did. Good, good.I'm going to get a bagel.
CUT TO STARS HOLLOW
[Lorelai, Rory, and Lane are walking down the street]
LORELAI: He actually used the word yawn?
RORY: Yes.
LORELAI: What a jerk.
LANE: You should punch him where it counts.
RORY: He was just doing his job.
LORELAI: He could have been a little morediplomatic.
LANE: The word yawn is insulting.
RORY: Yeah, but I was actually tired when I wroteit, so it probably wasn't my best work. I should write my articles at nightfirst, then study.
LORELAI: I still say Yawn Guy needs a littlelearnin'.
LANE: Yeah, kick him where the sun don't shine.
LORELAI: You really are not good at threats.
LANE: I know, and I hate that.
RORY: I'll just chalk it up to experience.
LANE: Hey, what time do you have?
RORY: Uh, five to four.
LANE: Five minutes to my call with Dave. I shouldget home.
LORELAI: Hey, are we still mad at him?
LANE: We never were.
LORELAI: That's right. Must be Jackson. We're madat Jackson for something he said to Sookie.
RORY: No, we're not.
LORELAI: You sure?
RORY: Yes.
LORELAI: Must be Gypsy. We're mad at her husband?
RORY: She's not married.
LORELAI: This is gonna bug me.
RORY: So, how is Dave?
LANE: He's great. I just wish he weren't threethousand miles away.
RORY: How did he take the news that you found areplacement for him in the band?
LANE: He was a little weird about it.
LORELAI: And that's why we're mad at him.
RORY: We're not mad at Dave.
LORELAI: Must be Jackson.
LANE: I miss that boy.
RORY: Well, he'll be home for Christmas, right?
LANE: He better.
LORELAI: This is my stop.
RORY: Say hi to the baby for me.
LORELAI: Find out who we're mad at.
RORY: We're not mad at anybody.
LORELAI: We're always mad at somebody.
[Lorelai walks up to Sookie's house. Michel issitting on the front porch]
LORELAI: Hey. Door's open. Aren't they home?
MICHEL: They are home. I'm not welcome in it.
LORELAI: What?
SOOKIE: Lorelai, come on in.
MICHEL: I'm being discriminated against. Go,enjoy.
LORELAI: Michel can't come in?
SOOKIE: Nope.
MICHEL: I'm Rosa Parks.
LORELAI: Why can't Rosa Parks come in?
SOOKIE: He sneezed.
MICHEL: Five days ago.
SOOKIE: I can't take a chance with the baby.
MICHEL: It's a business meeting. The baby shouldnot attend.
SOOKIE: He's a week old. What should he do, takein a movie?
MICHEL: I got dust up my nose. It made me sneeze.I am not sick.
SOOKIE: [to Lorelai] Come on in.
LORELAI: Sorry. Uh-huh-huh-huh. . .oh, no. Whew!
MICHEL: Not funny.
[Lorelai walks into the house]
LORELAI: There he is. Oh. Oh, widdle Davey, widdleDavey, peekaboo, peekaboo. Oh, you have a widdle nose. Oh, oh, no, AuntLorelai's got your nose. Do you want it back? Do you? Do you?
SOOKIE: He's not indicating that he wants it back.
LORELAI: Well, then, I'm going to keep it.
MICHEL: This is painful.
SOOKIE: You know, he said his first word thismorning.
LORELAI: Who? Michel? What'd he say?
SOOKIE: He said, "ah-oopah."
LORELAI: Did you say, "ah-oopah"? Didyou? Well, you're very talented. Did you know that?
MICHEL: If I throw up, do you want it on thebushes or the grass?
LORELAI: Michel, don't you like babies?
MICHEL: I don't know. I've never been near one. Ithought today was my chance.
LORELAI: I brought pastries.
SOOKIE: Excellent.
LORELAI: Do you want one, Michel?
MICHEL: So I can look even sadder, sitting andeating pastry by myself? No, thank you. Can we start?
LORELAI: Okay. Well, I'm here to report that theDragonfly is officially demoed and stripped to its studs, to the point where itlooks worse than ever and you can't imagine it ever looking good ever again.
SOOKIE: Excellent.
MICHEL: There are big, flying things out here.
LORELAI: But we're on schedule, and when I left,the plumbing contractor was unloading all sorts of impressive-looking copperpipes, so that's something, I guess, and. . .oh, Bruce.
BRUCE: Hello.
LORELAI: I thought you'd gone.
BRUCE: I came back.
LORELAI: Well, there you go.
SOOKIE: Bruce is not only a midwife, she's also alactation specialist.
LORELAI: Yikes.
MICHEL: Ugh.
BRUCE: Is that the sneezer?
MICHEL: It was dust. What are these big greenthings with wings?
LORELAI: You know, Bruce, I didn't get a chance totell you how impressed I was by the home birth. It was just amazing to watch andvery, very special.
BRUCE: Did you talk baby talk to Davey?
LORELAI: Yes.
BRUCE: Every second Davey's brain is hard-wiringfor life. Baby talk can retard his language-acquisition rate. Is that what youwant?
LORELAI: Definitely not. I want him fully tarded.
MICHEL: This flying green thing is toying with me.
BRUCE: In five minutes, we'll feed.
SOOKIE: Five minutes. Did I tell you she donatesher services to indigent, inner-city mothers?
LORELAI: It's okay.
MICHEL: All right, this thing is getting ready todive-bomb.
LORELAI: So, Davey, beautiful day, huh? What wouldyou like to discuss? Middle East peace, the space program? I'm sorry, what'sthat? Oh, my God. He said, "the answer to the problems in the mideast is,'I have to poop.'"
SOOKIE: He got distracted.
LORELAI: And now there's no peace? Davey, come on,man, hard-wire those adult thoughts and try to remember what we're talking. . .and he said that Thursday's impossible to start work and I reminded him aboutour contract.
SOOKIE: Good, because he needed to be reminded.
LORELAI: So that's all taken care of.
MICHEL: I'm being attacked by green things!
BRUCE: It's time to feed.
LORELAI: Well, this has been a very productivemeeting.
SOOKIE: Very.
CUT TO YALE NEWSPAPER OFFICE
[Rory walks in]
RORY: Hi, Doyle. Got something for you.
DOYLE: Your new review?
RORY: My new review.
DOYLE: Remember "The New Zoo Revue"?
RORY: Henrietta hippo?
DOYLE: Freddie the frog, and who was the thirdone? What was the third one?
RORY: I'm drawing a blank.
DOYLE: Oh, I hate that. Whenever there's three ofsomething, you always forget the third one. It's like a statistical thing.
RORY: Do you want me to come back?
DOYLE: No, let's look at it now.
RORY: So I drank a lot of coffee before writingthis, so hopefully it won't be a yawn.
DOYLE: Good. [reads Rory's article and crossesthings out]
RORY: Doyle.
DOYLE: Just a sec.
RORY: You're crossing everything out.
DOYLE: Not everything.
RORY: Well, the only thing you haven't crossed outis what you haven't read yet.
DOYLE: Hold on, hold on, okay? Well, it's betterthan your last one. You're showing progress.
RORY: Oh.
DOYLE: Really.
RORY: Okay, is this some kind of hazing?
DOYLE: Hazing?
RORY: I put a lot of time into this.
DOYLE: Oh, I know. It's definitely not for lack oftrying.
RORY: Is it something personal? Did I do somethingto offend you?
DOYLE: No, Rory, this is how it works. It's notpersonal. It's just not very good.
RORY: I rewrote it four times, and I researched itso thoroughly.
DOYLE: Don't worry about the facts. You seem tohave gotten those right. Stan, file this for me.
RORY: So, it's not good?
DOYLE: I just couldn't tell what you reallythought.
RORY: But I tried so hard.
DOYLE: Oh, I know.
RORY: So I should try less hard?
DOYLE: Look, just write what you think. You haveopinions, don't you?
RORY: Sure, I do.
DOYLE: That's what will work.
RORY: Sounds simple.
DOYLE: It can be. Charlie the owl. That's thethird one.
RORY: Right, right, Charlie. Guess I'll go.
DOYLE: Don't worry. Either you'll get the hang ofthings or you won't.
RORY: Uh huh.
DOYLE: Just make sure this one's good.
RORY: Got it.
CUT TO YALE THEATER
[Lorelai and Rory walk in]
LORELAI: Wow, pretty. Yale's got the big bucks,huh?
RORY: Yeah, I guess.
LORELAI: This is gonna be fun.
RORY: It's work for me.
LORELAI: Are those our seats, all saved andeverything?
RORY: One of the advantages of being with thepress.
LORELAI: Are you okay?
RORY: Yeah, I'm the happiest unpublished writer inthe newspaper biz.
LORELAI: You are not unpublished.
RORY: I am recently unpublished.
LORELAI: Don't forget your lacrosse-story triumph.
RORY: Yeah, maybe lacrosse is the only thing I'mgood at writing about, and I'd never heard of it before I was assigned it.
LORELAI: Now, come on.
RORY: Hopefully, there will be plenty ofwell-paid, full-time lacrosse-writing positions for me at the major newsorganizations.
LORELAI: You need chocolate.
RORY: Chocolate and talent.
LORELAI: Stop that.
RORY: Maybe I'm just not cut out for collegejournalism. Maybe I peaked in high school. Aw, man, that's a depressing thought.
LORELAI: You didn't peak. This is just a differentenvironment and a bigger league, and that's half the fun, isn't it?
RORY: Kind of. Here we go.
LORELAI: Ah, I love these seats. They're soimportant.
[The ballet starts]
RORY: Oh.
LORELAI: Well, she recovered quickly.
RORY: Whoa.
LORELAI: The floor must be slippery.
RORY: Huh.
LORELAI: I don't think the guy is supposed towince when he lifts the ballerina.
RORY: Maybe it was involuntary?
LORELAI: She wasn't supposed to kick him likethat, was she?
RORY: I don't think so.
LORELAI: It gives new meaning to the wordnutcracker.
[they giggle]
LORELAI: Shh, shh.
[cut to the theater after the ballet is over]
LORELAI: Wow.
RORY: Yeah.
LORELAI: That was terrible.
RORY: From the opening kerplunk.
LORELAI: And just kept getting worse.
RORY: I'm in physical discomfort.
LORELAI: That lead ballerina - she has no friends.
RORY: How can you tell?
LORELAI: Because no one gave her the heads-up onthe roll of fat around the bra strap.
RORY: Maybe she just has no friends in the ballet.
LORELAI: All ballet people do is ballet. If shehas no friends in the ballet, she has no friends. Holy moly.
RORY: I wonder how many times I can use the word"blows" in an article before it becomes redundant.
LORELAI: What are you gonna write?
RORY: I don't know. What I think, I guess.
LORELAI: Really.
RORY: Well, apparently, that's what was missingfrom my other pieces - my opinions, so. . .
LORELAI: Well, if you want my opinion, that endcurtain came down way too slowly.
RORY: I'll try to work that in.
LORELAI: Man oh man. If Vincent Gallo could justsee this, he'd feel a whole lot better about "Brown Bunny."
CUT TO YALE NEWSPAPER OFFICE
[Doyle reads over Rory's article]
DOYLE: Nice.
RORY: Nice?
DOYLE: Really great job.
RORY: Really?
DOYLE: Really.
RORY: Oh, wow, thanks.
DOYLE: Thank you. Stan, get this to layout.
STAN: Yeah.
DOYLE: I love doing that.
RORY: And you look good doing it.
DOYLE: Coffee mint?
RORY: Thanks.
CUT TO KIM'S ANTIQUES
[Mrs. Kim walks a customer to the door]
CUSTOMER: This piece is beautiful. My wife's gonnaflip.
MRS. KIM: Good. Now, it's very fragile, so keep itaway from young children.
CUSTOMER: We don't have children.
MRS. KIM: You should. Everyone should havechildren.
CUSTOMER: Okay. Thank you.
MRS. KIM: You're welcome. Lane?
LANE: Yes, Mama?
MRS. KIM: I have something for Dave.
LANE: For Dave, my Dave?
MRS. KIM: Something for you to send to him inCalifornia. Special gift from me to him.
LANE: Really?
MRS. KIM: Could you wrap it and take it to thepost office?
LANE: Definitely. That's so sweet, Mama.
MRS. KIM: He's a good boy. He's going to make agood man.
LANE: I agree.
MRS. KIM: I'm going to make some tea.
CUT TO OUTSIDE
[Lorelai and Michel are walking down the street]
MICHEL: So, I looked up what Bruce said about babytalk and she was right. You should never talk baby talk to a baby.
LORELAI: That's sad.
MICHEL: Yeah. So I've been calling all my friendsand relatives with babies to tell them to immediately stop talking to them.
LORELAI: You mean, stop talking baby talk?
MICHEL: No, it's better that they just stopaltogether.
LORELAI: Ittle-bitty Michel.
MICHEL: Now, stop that.
LORELAI: Well, I like talking baby talk and Ican't do it to babies, so I need an outlet. And you're my outwet - wittle Michelwith the happy hair.
MICHEL: Goodbye.
LORELAI: You no wanna eat? Aw, look at himwalking. Big boy walkie. Ooh.
[Lorelai walks into Luke's Diner and sees Nicolesitting at the counter]
LORELAI: Nicole!
NICOLE: Hi, Lorelai.
LORELAI: Well, I'll be. Look at you there.
NICOLE: It's nice to see you.
LORELAI: Yeah. Does Luke know you're here?
NICOLE: Yeah, he's just in the back. Do you wanthim?
LORELAI: No, I don't want him, I don't want him. Iwas just coming in for a bite with a friend and. . .not my imaginary friend. Myfriend Michel was with me, but he doesn't eat normal food like this, so he's notcoming in, so. . . you good?
NICOLE: Very good. And you?
LORELAI: Very good, too. I'm just still livinghere in Stars Hollow, and, um, Rory's going to Yale.
NICOLE: I knew that.
LORELAI: Of course. Well, naturally, you would beall filled in 'cause Luke's talking to you regularly, and. . .
NICOLE: Mmhmm.
LORELAI: So, um. . .I met a bunch of lawyers fromyour firm.
NICOLE: Really?
LORELAI: I did, yes, because, well, I'm - theywere coming in to see Luke, and I'm in here a lot, so. . .
NICOLE: Right. Yeah, they're good guys.
LORELAI: Really good guys. They like you a lot.
NICOLE: They're the partners at my firm.
LORELAI: Well, so they have to like you. So, isLuke coming out, or. . .
NICOLE: He should be.
LORELAI: You know, I'm not hungry.
NICOLE: No?
LORELAI: I just remembered, I just ate.
NICOLE: Oh.
LORELAI: So. . .but it's really good to see you.
NICOLE: Same here.
LORELAI: Really good.
NICOLE: Uh huh.
LORELAI: Okay. So. . . [leaves]
CUT TO YALE
[Rory is walking toward her dorm]
RORY: [answers cell phone] Hello?
LANE: Oh, thank God.
RORY: Lane?
LANE: I just had the biggest fight with Dave thatwe've ever had ever, and it's all my mother's fault.
RORY: Your mother? Why?
LANE: Get this - earlier today, my mom asked me towrap something that she wants to send to Dave.
RORY: Is it his birthday?
LANE: No, this was something else altogether. Youholding onto your hat?
RORY: I'm not wearing one, but I can pretend tobe.
LANE: It's the jug.
RORY: What jug?
LANE: The jug. The big jug. The monumental jug.
RORY: What jug?
LANE: Remember when I was a kid, my mother showedme the special jug that's been passed down in my family for years and years in along-standing Kim tradition that she is personally going to present to the boyI'm going to wed?
RORY: Oh, my God. The marriage jug?
LANE: The marriage jug.
RORY: She's sending Dave the marriage jug? Whatdoes that mean?
LANE: I'm guessing it means she's reserving a halland ordering that "Stations of the Cross" ice sculpture.
RORY: Whoa, this is serious.
LANE: No kidding.
RORY: I had forgotten all about it.
LANE: I didn't. It's been sitting on that shelfall my life, and I kind of liked that it was there. It was a nice thing, a nicetradition. I had pleasant associations with it, and now I want to break it intoa million pieces.
RORY: What inspired her?
LANE: Who knows?
RORY: Have you been sending out a vibe orsomething?
LANE: A vibe, no. What kind of vibe?
RORY: Like a marriage vibe.
LANE: I don't know what that is. I mean, maybe. Ilove Dave. If you love a boy, do you automatically send out a marriage vibe?
RORY: I don't think so.
LANE: I feel weird just saying that.
RORY: Well, wait, why did you and Dave get into abig fight?
LANE: Well, I didn't send him the jug, but I hadto give him a heads-up in case he called here innocently and my mom saidsomething to him like, "You rent that tux yet?" So I did, and he wasreally mean about it. He was very against getting the jug.
RORY: You thought he'd be all for it?
LANE: No, but he was way too down on the idea.
RORY: Lane, he's eighteen. He just startedcollege.
LANE: I know.
RORY: Jug or no jug, he's not ready to getmarried.
LANE: I know.
RORY: And neither are you.
LANE: I know. Someday maybe.
RORY: Yes, someday, but not now.
LANE: Great. Now we're about to get into a fight?
RORY: No, we're not. There have just been enoughyoung people marrying in my life. I don't want any more.
LANE: Okay.
RORY: What are you gonna do?
LANE: I don't know. She's going to expect a callor note from him, thanking his soon-to-be mother-in-law or else she'll beoffended.
RORY: Probably.
LANE: I guess I've got to talk to her about it.
RORY: I don't see any other way.
[Rory arrives at her suite door, which says"Die Jerk" on it]
RORY: Whoa.
LANE: What?
RORY: Someone wrote something on our door -"Die Jerk."
LANE: It says "Die Jerk"?
RORY: It's not coming off.
LANE: Wow. Cool things like that never happen atadventist school.
[Paris opens the suite door]
PARIS: Rory.
RORY: Someone wrote "Die Jerk" on ourdoor.
PARIS: I know. I thought maybe the person who didit was back to make good on the promise.
RORY: Who did this?
PARIS: I don't know, but we've got to find out andstrike back hard. Come on, we're assembling inside.
RORY: Lane, I gotta go. We're assembling. Sorryabout the jug.
LANE: It's okay. Keep me posted.
RORY: Yeah, you, too. Bye.
PARIS: [to student walking by] What's yourbusiness here?
[Rory and Paris walk into the common room]
RORY: Fun stuff, huh, guys?
JANET: Yeah, it's ridiculous.
TANNA: I may have been here when it happened.
JANET: And you heard nothing?
TANNA: No.
PARIS: Way to have that radar up.
RORY: Let's not make each other feel bad.
PARIS: Hey, hug a dolphin another day, all right?We need to rev up the gunships and retaliate before the next strike. We gotta gofull-out Sharon.
RORY: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
TANNA: There's gonna be another strike?
PARIS: You wanna wait to find out? Now, first, weshould each make a list of the people we've made enemies of, starting with mostrecent and working our way back.
TANNA: Can't we just let this go?
JANET: It may just be a joke.
PARIS: I'm not laughing. Anyone here laughing?
TANNA: I guess it is vandalism.
PARIS: It's more than that. This is an assaultthat should be met head-on using extreme prejudice. Now let's face it, I'm themost likely target, so I've already made up a list of enemies, which I'venarrowed down from twenty-six to five.
JANET: Just at Yale?
PARIS: Just in this building.
TANNA: Maybe we should move.
PARIS: Retreat? I think not.
JANET: There's a girl on my volleyball team who'slivid at me. I kissed her boyfriend.
TANNA: I'm exceedingly dull.
PARIS: Keep her close.
TANNA: What about you?
RORY: Me?
JANET: Made anyone mad lately?
PARIS: Oh, please, that would be like Dorothypissing off the Tin Man. It's impossible.
TANNA: I'm not leaving my room.
JANET: I'll keep you posted on my person.
PARIS: And my five are already taken care of.
TANNA: They're taken care of?
PARIS: I got my East Side 860 partners on it. Nowlet's move.
RORY: Wanna watch tv?
TANNA: Something light.
RORY: I'm with you.
CUT TO LUKE'S DINER
[Lorelai walks in]
LORELAI: Hi, Luke.
LUKE: Hi. Take a seat anywhere.
LORELAI: Very hungry.
LUKE: Yeah, well, you're in the right place.
LORELAI: Twice.
LUKE: What?
LORELAI: I've come here twice. This is my secondtrip today.
LUKE: Oh, right, yeah. Well, you didn't eat.
LORELAI: Oh, you knew I was here?
LUKE: Uh, why didn't you stay?
LORELAI: I wasn't that hungry.
LUKE: Oh.
LORELAI: So, what's new?
LUKE: Uh, got some new coffee pots.
LORELAI: Anything else?
LUKE: New filters.
LORELAI: Anything else?
LUKE: No.
LORELAI: Anything else?
LUKE: Other than "no", no.
LORELAI: Nicole, Luke. Nicole was here. She's theone who told you that I was here and didn't stay. She's new. Nothing new.
LUKE: Well, you saw her, so it's not new.
LORELAI: Oh, it's so new. What's going on there?
LUKE: Well, we're kind of seeing each other again.
LORELAI: Thank you, and. . .boy!
LUKE: It's not heavy-duty.
LORELAI: So you're not getting divorced?
LUKE: Yeah, we put it on hold.
LORELAI: Put the divorce on hold?
LUKE: Yeah.
LORELAI: Can you do that?
LUKE: I don't know. It's all new to me.
LORELAI: So, um, is she moving in with you?
LUKE: No.
LORELAI: What, no? You're husband and wife. It'snot a crazy question.
LUKE: No, we're man and woman. We're just seeingeach other as if we're not husband and wife.
LORELAI: Oh, well, the state of Connecticut seesit differently, you know. To the state, you're sharing a toothbrush holder anddeciding together whether there's enough in the dishwasher to justify runningit.
LUKE: Hopefully, the state will stay out of myway.
LORELAI: Now, what about taxes?
LUKE: What about them?
LORELAI: Well, you file single, jointly? I mean,what do you do?
LUKE: That's not for months.
LORELAI: You can't put it off.
LUKE: I'm not doing my taxes right now.
LORELAI: Capone?
LUKE: What?
LORELAI: They got him for tax evasion.
LUKE: I don't plan on evading my taxes. Look, whyare you pressing this?
LORELAI: Because it's weird.
LUKE: You think it's weird?
LORELAI: Yes. I am a cross section of thecommunity, and if I think it's weird, then Rory thinks it's weird, and if Rorythinks that, then Miss Patty thinks that, and so on and so on.
LUKE: We're just not dealing with it right now.We're just letting things happen as they happen. We're going with the flow.
LORELAI: You're going with the flow?
LUKE: We're going with the flow.
LORELAI: Oh, that's so strum your sitar, dig theMaharishi, pass the owsley, summer of love, flower power, hippie-dippie, I can'tstand it.
LUKE: You don't have to.
LORELAI: I hope you're not expecting a weddingpresent, 'cause I'm just putting it on hold 'til this whole thing clears up.
LUKE: Fine.
LORELAI: It's a good present.
LUKE: You haven't gotten it yet.
LORELAI: It would have been a good present.
LUKE: Look, what is it? You don't like Nicole?
LORELAI: I like Nicole. She's very nice. I don'tthink she likes me.
LUKE: She likes you fine, and, yes, she is verynice, and I missed her and she missed me and so we're dating again, putting offthe hassle of getting a stupid divorce. Avoiding that hassle is the nice fringebenefit of getting back together again.
LORELAI: Aha, the hassle. Now we're getting downto it. If the divorce wasn't a hassle, would you still have gotten back togetherwith her?
LUKE: I don't want to talk about this anymore.
LORELAI: Is that why we're still friends - becauseit would be too big a hassle for you to tell me you don't want to be friendsanymore?
LUKE: What do you want to eat?
LORELAI: Eating's a hassle. I'll just starve.
LUKE: Fine.
LORELAI: And I'll starve right here because itwould be too big a hassle to get up and leave.
LUKE: I'll work around you.
LORELAI: And hey, if it's too big a hassle to getrid of my body after I die of starvation, just leave it here to decompose allnice and quiet - no hassle.
LUKE: Good.
LORELAI: See ya.
LUKE: Wow, she's moving.
LORELAI: Well, I was kind of kidding about thedecomposing here.
LUKE: But you still haven't eaten.
LORELAI: I'm not hungry, again.
LUKE: Fine, see ya.
LORELAI: And I liked the old coffee pots. The newones look stupid. [leaves]
CUT TO YALE DINING HALL
[Rory is getting some food when a student walks up to her]
GUY: Hey, someone was looking for you.
RORY: Oh, who?
GUY: It's probably better that they don't findyou. [leaves]
[As Rory starts to walk to a table, anotherstudent walks up to her]
GIRL: You are very brave.
RORY: What?
GIRL: If you hear the rustle of tulle coming upbehind you, run.
[Rory sits down at a table. A student walks overto her angrily]
SANDRA: Rory Gilmore?
RORY: Yeah?
SANDRA: Remember me?
RORY: I don't think so.
SANDRA: That's very flattering.
RORY: Can I help you?
SANDRA: Let's see if this jogs your memory. I havethe grace of a drunken dock worker?
RORY: Oh.
SANDRA: Remember me now?
RORY: The ballerina from the ballet.
SANDRA: That's right.
RORY: Your outfits are made of tulle, aren't they?
SANDRA: You're a jerk!
RORY: I know. You wrote that on my door.
SANDRA: You're lucky that's all I did!
RORY: Should we go somewhere else?
SANDRA: Your review was mean and petty anddespicable!
RORY: Look, Sandra - that's your name, right?Sandra? This was all in the line of duty. It was an assignment from my editor,so it was nothing personal, okay?
SANDRA: You called me a hippo!
RORY: No, I compared you to a hippo, that's notcalling you a hippo. And it was a humorous comparison. I was trying to -
SANDRA: To destroy me and my company!
RORY: No, and think about it - I bet that morethan likely, very few people will even read the review, and most people aren'teven interested in ballet in the first place. It's unfortunate and awful and Ihate it, but what can you do? It's Avril Lavigne's world, and we're just livingin it. Plus, most people left before the end, and I stuck it out. That'ssomething.
SANDRA: I'm curious. How much ballet experience doyou have? You must have a lot since you write about it with such authority.
RORY: Well, none to speak of. I had a few years ofbeginners' class and I stunk.
SANDRA: Anybody write about it in the paper?
RORY: No. Good point.
SANDRA: I've been dancing three hours a day, sevendays a week for fourteen years. I've done two summer sessions with the Miamiballet, and I'm on the waiting list at Juilliard, and now your review is outthere for everyone to see!
RORY: Look, I -
SANDRA: You're a jerk! I just wanted to come tellyou that to your face! You're a jerk, and I hope you die! Bye, jerk. Die, jerk.[leaves]
PARIS: The door thing was about you?
RORY: Apparently.
PARIS: [on cell phone] The strike is off. Standdown. I repeat, stand down.
CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE
[The doorbell rings. Emily and the maid answer the door]
LORELAI: Hi, Mom.
EMILY: Come in, come in.
LORELAI: Ooh, you look tenser than usual. What'swrong?
EMILY: Oh, it's your father. I wanted him to goupstairs and clean up, but I can't pry him away from that partner of his.
LORELAI: Hm. Digger's here?
EMILY: They're in the study doing somethingcomputery. When did we suddenly become so dependent on computers?
[Richard and Jason walk out of the study]
EMILY: Finally.
RICHARD: Now how far can I go, Jason?
JASON: Uh, as far as you want. It should workanywhere.
RICHARD: Ah, fantastic.
EMILY: Richard, our company's here.
RICHARD: We have company?
LORELAI: Oh, actually, it's just me.
RICHARD: Oh, well, I suppose you're company. Say,are you and Rory wireless?
LORELAI: Oh, no, we're pretty wired most of thetime.
EMILY: Why are you carrying that?
RICHARD: We're testing it. Jason here has justhelped me hook up a wireless network for the house. Wi-Fi, it's called.
LORELAI: Oh, neat.
EMILY: Is that necessary? Oh, Lorelai, this isJason Stiles.
JASON: We've met.
EMILY: Really?
RICHARD: Emily, they knew each other as kids. Youknew that.
EMILY: Oh, that's right.
JASON: Great to see you again.
LORELAI: Oh, same here.
RICHARD: Look at this! I'm walking around, and I'mstill on the internet. Emily, I'm going to google you.
EMILY: You are certainly not going to google me!
JASON: It's a search engine, Emily. He's justgonna find you out in cyberspace.
EMILY: This sounds absurd.
RICHARD: Nah, can't use a laptop here, Jason. Thesignal doesn't reach.
EMILY: When do you plan to use it in the darkcorner by the staircase, Richard?
RICHARD: Well, you never know.
EMILY: I don't like the idea of your using itanywhere but your study.
RICHARD: I'm just testing it!
LORELAI: They're always fighting over toys, thesetwo.
RICHARD: [walks onto the back patio] It's crystalclear out here.
EMILY: Richard, it's freezing outside!
RICHARD: I won't be a minute.
EMILY: Ridiculous. I have to go check on dinner.Excuse me. [leaves]
LORELAI: So, um, how have you been these pasttwenty-five years?
JASON: Good. Hey, moved out of my parents' house.
LORELAI: Rad.
JASON: Love the freedom.
LORELAI: Well, you don't have to hide the bonganymore.
JASON: Hey, did you get any flowers lately?
LORELAI: Uh, several times. Apparently, I have asecret admirer.
JASON: I signed all the cards "Jason."
LORELAI: I thought it was Jason Priestley.
JASON: You're disappointed.
LORELAI: No, I just wish I hadn't slept with JasonPriestley.
JASON: How's the new inn?
LORELAI: Coming along. Uh, we're gonna havehorses.
JASON: Talking horses?
LORELAI: No, just the regular ones.
JASON: We could get married there.
LORELAI: Where?
JASON: The inn, on horseback.
LORELAI: Oh. So, you unwired my father, huh?
JASON: Per Richard's request. He wanted it.
LORELAI: Emily doesn't.
JASON: I cannot win with her.
LORELAI: You're getting the triple freeze fromher. It's nice. Takes the onus off her daughter.
JASON: But the more she hates me, the more likelyit is that you will go out with me.
LORELAI: That's not necessarily the case.
JASON: Good, because I gotta make some seriousprogress with her.
LORELAI: Good luck with that.
JASON: Maybe I should get her to invite me todinner.
LORELAI: Ha!
JASON: Hey.
LORELAI: I'm sorry. As if you control thesethings.
JASON: Well, I'm not God, but I have influence.
LORELAI: No way is she inviting you to dinner.
JASON: Would you have a problem with me stayingfor dinner?
LORELAI: No. You won't stay because you won't beinvited.
JASON: I will.
LORELAI: Let's see it.
[Rory enters the house]
RORY: Hey.
LORELAI: Hi, hon. Jason, this is my daughter,Rory. Rory, Jason.
RORY: Right, Scooper.
LORELAI: Digger.
RORY: Sorry. Digger.
JASON: It's nice to meet you. And I don't reallygo by Digger anymore.
LORELAI: What is it, P. Digger now?
RORY: I'll just call you Jason.
JASON: You're a very kind young lady.
RICHARD: Oh, dear. Jason, I just hit F12, andeverything's going to hell.
JASON: Easily fixed. [walks away]
LORELAI: Hey. How are things?
RORY: Surreal - on a whole new level of surreal.
LORELAI: What happened?
RORY: I was harangued by an incensed ballerina.
LORELAI: That is Salvador Dali surreal. Whatballerina?
RORY: From the ballet we went to - the one I wroteabout. This girl marched up to me in the dining hall and busted me on the badreview I gave her.
LORELAI: Uh, wait a second. Are people allowed todo that, yell at the reviewer?
RORY: I frown on it. I mean, it's upsetting andridiculous. I'll probably laugh at it someday, but not today.
LORELAI: What did you write?
RORY: Well, I brought it for you to read. Tell mewhat you think because my picky editor loved it. I mean, loved it.
LORELAI: Sure, sure. This is very weird.
RORY: Very read.
[Lorelai starts to read the article]
LORELAI: Whoa.
RORY: What?
LORELAI: Well, you really hated this ballet.
RORY: Well, we both really hated it. Remember?
LORELAI: Yeah, I do. Jeez.
RORY: Oh, now, come on.
LORELAI: Well, this is just so harsh.
RORY: Again, you were there.
LORELAI: I know, but there's something aboutseeing it in print. People don't write as mean as they talk, except you.
RORY: I wrote what I felt.
LORELAI: "The roll around the brastrap"?
RORY: That was your line!
LORELAI: It was? I'm awful.
RORY: And it's not even critical of theballerina's skills. It's critical of the costumer's skills.
LORELAI: I know, but it sounds like she couldn'tfit into a standard leotard.
RORY: She couldn't! But again, the costumer shouldhave put her in a larger leotard.
LORELAI: Do I see the word "hippo"coming up?
RORY: Give me the paper.
LORELAI: I'm sorry, it's just so specific.
RORY: It's what I saw, so I wrote it. That's whatthe editor told me to do.
LORELAI: Well, then you did the right thing.
RORY: I was too harsh.
LORELAI: You said yourself, you were supposed tobe.
[Emily walks into the room]
EMILY: Rory, you're here. Good.
RORY: Hi, Grandma.
EMILY: Don't tell me Richard's still traipsingaround with that thing. Richard, please come inside and close the door.
RICHARD: Coming, coming.
[Richard and Jason walk in]
EMILY: Oh, Jason, you're still here.
JASON: Oh, I wouldn't leave without saying goodbyeto you, Emily.
RORY: Whatcha got there, Grandpa?
RICHARD: A laptop. The Gilmore house is nowwireless.
RORY: Cool.
EMILY: And the laptop is now going back in itscase because dinner is ready.
JASON: I'll be taking off everybody. I've got acheeseburger waiting for me.
EMILY: Goodbye, Jason.
RICHARD: A cheeseburger? That's not a proper meal.
JASON: Oh, please, Richard, it's my favorite meal.I've had one for dinner three times this week.
RICHARD: Oh, you're joking.
EMILY: With the right bread and meat, acheeseburger can make a fine meal.
JASON: Thank you, Emily.
RICHARD: You're defending cheeseburgers, Emily?When was the last time you had one?
JASON: This isn't just any cheeseburger, Richard.There's this stand that makes them special for me.
RICHARD: A stand?
EMILY: I hear those can be very good.
RICHARD: Emily, are we going to send this youngbachelor out for fast food?
JASON: Oh, no, no, I couldn't stay. I'd be puttingyou out.
RICHARD: Nonsense.
EMILY: I'm not sure we have enough.
RICHARD: We always have enough.
JASON: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, I wouldn't hear ofit.
RICHARD: Emily, my business partner is going to bestanding outside eating a cheeseburger.
EMILY: Jason, would you like to join us fordinner?
JASON: The cheeseburger will just have to wait.
EMILY: I'll tell the cook.
RICHARD: Cheeseburger.
CUT TO THE DINING ROOM
[Richard, Emily, Lorelai, Rory, and Jason are eating dinner]
JASON: This food is incredible.
RORY: Yeah. It's my first lobster thermidor.
JASON: Your recipe?
EMILY: No.
LORELAI: Hey, can you thermidor other foods? Youknow, fish thermidor, uh, Spam thermidor, enchiladas thermidor?
EMILY: I don't think so. Cora, since we're fiveinstead of four, Richard and I will ration if we have to.
RICHARD: Oh, I don't think rationing will benecessary, Emily.
LORELAI: Yeah, Mom, you can just pick off myplate.
RICHARD: You've forgotten all about that burger, Ihope.
JASON: After the first mouthful.
RICHARD: Good.
JASON: You know, Richard, having a computer athome with a high-speed internet access is gonna free up your time enormously.
RICHARD: Oh, I should say so.
EMILY: How?
JASON: How is it gonna free up his time?
EMILY: Yes.
JASON: Well, he'll be using email more, whichmeans fewer phone calls with chitchat that you have to get through before youget down to business. That's what eats up most of the time.
EMILY: Email seems very cold to me.
JASON: But fast.
EMILY: Fast isn't always better.
JASON: A good point and very true.
RICHARD: Oh, Jason was saying that you'll get useout of this system, too, Emily.
EMILY: Me? How?
JASON: The internet. Have you checked it out?
EMILY: I'd have no use for it.
LORELAI: I wouldn't dismiss it so fast, Mom. Theinternet is more than just good porn now.
RORY: Yeah, I'm on it constantly.
EMILY: What do you use it for?
RORY: Research like for when I can't get to thelibrary.
LORELAI: And for shopping.
RORY: Yeah, shopping.
LORELAI: A lot of shopping.
EMILY: Shopping?
LORELAI: Yeah, the stores you normally have to goto, they're on the internet now.
EMILY: But going to a nice store is half the funof shopping. I like being greeted at the door and the bustle of people and theshoes and clothes all lined up nice and pretty.
LORELAI: That's true.
RORY: Yeah, we like that, too.
EMILY: Having someone help you pick out the rightthing or help you exchange it if it's not right. With the internet, what do youdo? Mail it back?
LORELAI: We usually just forget.
RORY: Yeah.
EMILY: So you're just out the money?
RORY: Pretty much.
EMILY: I don't get it.
LORELAI: I don't get it anymore either.
RORY: We should go to real stores more often.
JASON: But the internet is really good.
RICHARD: So, which camp was it where you two met?
LORELAI: Hm, it had a funny name and canoes.
JASON: They all have funny names and canoes. Wasit Camp Waziata?
LORELAI: Doesn't sound familiar. Which one askedme to leave?
RORY: You got kicked out of camp?
LORELAI: I tried to liberate the horses.
JASON: Camp Chataguay. That's where we met.
LORELAI: That's the one.
JASON: I enjoyed camp. I made some good friends. Imet your father at that camp.
RORY: Dad, really?
JASON: We bunked together for a summer. Incredibleathlete and a good guy - a really good guy.
LORELAI: He hated you.
JASON: What?
LORELAI: With a passion.
JASON: No, I don't remember that.
LORELAI: I'm pretty sure. Didn't he try to dunkyour head in a toilet bowl after you heckled him during some campfire talentshow?
JASON: No, I don't. . .oh, my God, I've beenrepressing that!
RICHARD: Oh, that doesn't sound like Christopher.
JASON: No, it's okay, Richard. I'm positive Ideserved it.
EMILY: Rory, I've been meaning to mention to you,we read that wonderful review you wrote on the ballet. It was excellent.
RICHARD: Oh-ho-ho-ho, you eviscerated that girl.
RORY: I actually didn't mean to eviscerate her. Iwas just trying to be honest.
RICHARD: Well, you honestly sliced her open andripped out her guts.
EMILY: Your pen was your knife.
RORY: Right.
RICHARD: I especially liked the reference to thehippo.
RORY: That seems to be the most memorable forpeople.
EMILY: And the bra strap.
RICHARD: I should give you a copy of it to read,Jason. It's terrific.
JASON: It sounds interesting.
RORY: I just wrote what I thought.
EMILY: And the line about regretting how evolutionhad led man to stand on two feet because it led to this night.
LORELAI: [laughs] Sorry. I hadn't read that far.
EMILY: Why are you apologizing? It is funny.
LORELAI: Well, the ballerina in question had kindof a negative reaction to the whole thing.
EMILY: So what?
RICHARD: Well, yes, don't feel badly about this,Rory. Sometimes people don't know at a young age that they're not good at doingsomething. Now that poor girl can go to business school.
RORY: She's actually not as bad as she sounds.
RICHARD: It's rare to read a truthful review.
EMILY: I was going to go see that ballet, and nowI don't have to. Thank you.
RORY: You're welcome, I guess.
RICHARD: We were just burned by a dishonest reviewin the Courant.
EMILY: That French restaurant.
RICHARD: They must have had the reviewer in theirpocket. The man raved about this place, and it was abominable.
EMILY: The food was inedible. And the service - Ihad to snap my fingers to get our waiter's attention.
JASON: You know, Emily, as a woman of taste, Icould use your recommendation of restaurants in the area. I've been away solong, I'm just woefully out of touch.
EMILY: Oh, I'm no more an expert than the nextperson.
JASON: You're being humble.
LORELAI: Yeah, Mom, cough it up. You've beeneverywhere.
RICHARD: Multiple times.
EMILY: Well, I guess if you're looking for a placefor a business lunch, you can't do better than Portofino's. They give youattentive service without rushing you, and it's wonderful Italian food.
JASON: Well, you can't beat Italian. I mean, isthere anyone here who doesn't love Italian?
RORY: Not me.
LORELAI: Or me.
JASON: Good to know. Anything else, Emily?
EMILY: You need more?
JASON: Please. I'm a desperate man.
RICHARD: Well, don't be shy, Emily. You're awalking Zagat guide.
EMILY: Well, there's always Lil's for steak.
JASON: Steak's always good. I'm good with that anytime.
LORELAI: I love steak.
JASON: Really? So steak is good. How about ethnicfood? Indian? Thai?
EMILY: I personally detest Thai food.
LORELAI: Me, too. Chinese is good.
RICHARD: As long as it's authentic.
JASON: So cross Thai off the list.
LORELAI: I would.
EMILY: Same here.
JASON: How about something with a more romanticatmosphere?
EMILY: Why would you need a romantic atmospherefor business?
LORELAI: Yeah, why?
RICHARD: I'd like to know myself.
JASON: A client might want a recommendation forhim and his wife, and I would like to be prepared.
RICHARD: My partner.
EMILY: That would be Mill on the River.
RICHARD: Oh, yes. Very dark, very atmospheric.
JASON: Sounds nice.
LORELAI: Very.
JASON: Good, we've made progress here, but I'mmonopolizing the conversation.
EMILY: Oh, that's okay.
JASON: Can I call you later to continue this?
EMILY: Absolutely. Call me sometime next week.
JASON: I'll be sure to do that.
CUT TO YALE NEWSPAPER OFFICE
[Rory follows Doyle into the office]
DOYLE: You want to re-review the ballet?
RORY: Yes, I do, Doyle, because I have a brand-newperspective on it and on dance. I was ignorant before, so this would be a wholenew piece.
DOYLE: We don't re-review things.
RORY: Well, there's a first time for everything,and I could even buy my own ticket if that's a problem.
DOYLE: But it closed early because of your review.
RORY: I did not know that. But it's not a problem.I'll just redo the one I already did. That ballet is seared in there, so I couldjust replay it in my head.
DOYLE: But your review was great. People are stilltalking about it. That's pretty rare.
RORY: Okay, okay. Well, what about just ageneral-interest article on the lead ballerina?
DOYLE: Is she the hippo?
RORY: No. No. She is an accomplished dancer andher life is quite fascinating. Did you know that she studied dance for fourteenyears and has performed in Miami? Miami - that's pretty big. Miami.
DOYLE: It's boring.
RORY: Well, she almost got into Juilliard.
DOYLE: That's not interesting either.
RORY: Well, no, but these are simply backgroundfacts of a fascinating personal journey. A personal journey of an artiststruggling against the indifference of an indifferent society, just dancing asfast as she can. Well, it's "8 Mile" meets "Fame."
DOYLE: I know what's going on here.
RORY: What?
DOYLE: You're feeling bad about the effect yourarticle had on the people in the ballet.
RORY: No, that's not it.
DOYLE: We heard about the dining-hallconfrontation.
RORY: That was not really a confrontation. We werejust chatting.
DOYLE: It goes with the territory. When I was yourage, I reviewed a clog-dancing team that was really bad. I mean, even comparedto other clog dancers. I was merciless.
RORY: But - but if I can't re-review it, then canI just print the things that I meant to put in and didn't have time to?
DOYLE: Hurting people's feelings is what we do.
RORY: But when I become a real journalist, thepeople in my reviews aren't gonna live in my building.
DOYLE: Doesn't matter. When you write for the YaleDaily News, you are a real journalist.
RORY: I didn't mean -
DOYLE: And if you can't handle it, you shouldleave the paper.
RORY: I don't want to leave the paper.
DOYLE: Good. Here. Your next assignment.
RORY: Thanks.
DOYLE: Knock 'em dead.
CUT TO KIM'S ANTIQUES
[Mrs. Kim is making dinner when Lane carries a box into the kitchen]
MRS. KIM: Dinner is going to be a little latetonight. My gluten patties caught fire, so we're switching to spaghetti andwheat balls.
LANE: Mama, can we talk about something?
MRS. KIM: What's that?
LANE: It's the jug for Dave.
MRS. KIM: I gave that to you days ago. Why haven'tyou sent it?
LANE: I can't send it, Mama.
MRS. KIM: What do you mean you can't? Of courseyou can. I showed you how to tape the bubble wrap.
LANE: No, I mean, I can't!
MRS. KIM: What is wrong with you?
LANE: Mama, please listen.
MRS. KIM: All right.
LANE: This is important, and I want to be clear,and I want to say it right, but it's hard.
MRS. KIM: I'm listening.
LANE: Dave is my first boyfriend, and he'simportant to me - very important.
MRS. KIM: I know that.
LANE: And his being in California like this, it'sbeen hard, and it's even caused some problems. But in other ways, I think it'sbrought us closer.
MRS. KIM: Yes?
LANE: But I'm still in school and he's still inschool, and while I respect you and I respect the jug and all that the jugrepresents - all the bright hopes and all the tradition - I cannot give Dave thejug. Not now. Maybe one day, but not now.
MRS. KIM: Okay.
LANE: What are you doing?
MRS. KIM: What do you mean?
LANE: You're putting it with all the clearanceitems?
MRS. KIM: So?
LANE: You're selling my marriage jug?
MRS. KIM: Your what?
LANE: My marriage jug.
MRS. KIM: What's that?
LANE: The jug you kept to give to the boy I'mgoing to marry.
MRS. KIM: What are you talking about?
LANE: You told me when I was like six that thiswas my special marriage jug that you were gonna keep on a special high shelf forthe boy I'm going to marry.
MRS. KIM: This thing?
LANE: Yes.
MRS. KIM: It's just a jug.
LANE: What?
MRS. KIM: I probably told you that to make youstop crying. You always cried when you were little. Gave me a headache.
LANE: It's just a jug?
MRS. KIM: I've got tons of them. They're hard tomove.
LANE: But -
MRS. KIM: We could make it a marriage jug,whatever that is.
LANE: No, no, never mind. It doesn't matter.
MRS. KIM: I'll send something else to Dave.
LANE: Good.
MRS. KIM: Oh! My wheat balls!
CUT TO YALE THEATER
[Rory walks in talking on her cell phone]
RORY: So, why can't you show your face at Luke's?
LORELAI: It's just for a while. Hey, where areyou?
RORY: The theater. That's why I'm talking softly.I'm reviewing some music thing. So, now, why can't you go to Luke's?
LORELAI: I got into an argument with Luke aboutNicole.
RORY: Nicole?
LORELAI: They're back together. I didn't knowthat. I walk into Luke's and there she is.
RORY: And he hadn't told you?
LORELAI: No, and I was the very picture ofawkwardness, and basically, I just fled. And when I saw Luke later, we got intoa fight about it, and I told him his coffee pots were stupid.
RORY: So it was very sophisticated.
LORELAI: He is so guarded, so uncooperative.
RORY: You know, you should probably get over yourproblem with Luke being uncooperative.
LORELAI: Well, I don't want there to be weirdnessbetween me and Nicole if she's back in our lives. I mean, Luke has gotta get itthrough his thick skull that whoever is in his life is in my life, too.
RORY: Really?
LORELAI: Yes.
RORY: That's not a little stalkery?
LORELAI: No. We are a small, close-knit community.
RORY: So, you're gonna tell Luke about Jason?
LORELAI: What about him?
RORY: Well, there's something happening there.
LORELAI: Not really.
RORY: There was a palpable vibe.
LORELAI: Palpable to everyone?
RORY: Just me. Grandma and Grandpa were oblivious.
LORELAI: Hey, would that be crazy?
RORY: What?
LORELAI: For us to go out together?
RORY: All three of us?
LORELAI: Jason and I.
RORY: A little.
LORELAI: Well, yeah, I haven't decided.
RORY: Well, I'm happy to report that there havebeen no more run-ins with the ballerina.
LORELAI: Good.
RORY: We're not destined to be buddies anytimesoon, but sometimes you have to make an enemy.
LORELAI: When you have a job to do. . .
RORY: Then you have a job to do. It's starting, Igotta go.
LORELAI: Okay. Have fun.
RORY: I will.
THE END